1 00:00:38,975 --> 00:00:44,971 - Alan, it's really a very reasonable plan. - Tell that to the Chief of Defence Staff. 2 00:00:45,135 --> 00:00:50,129 - Why is he late? Not very soldierly. - It's this plan. The Ministry's in turmoil. 3 00:00:50,295 --> 00:00:53,446 It's a relocation proposal, not a Russian invasion. 4 00:00:53,615 --> 00:00:58,006 Be all right if it was. We know what we could do to repel that. 5 00:00:58,175 --> 00:01:00,973 - Could you repel it? - No. 6 00:01:01,135 --> 00:01:06,926 - But we don't have to do any thinking about it. - Let's look at this from the PM's point of view. 7 00:01:07,095 --> 00:01:10,087 We have 420,000 service personnel. 8 00:01:10,255 --> 00:01:14,851 Only 20,000 are stationed in the north. Almost everything's in the south. 9 00:01:15,015 --> 00:01:19,406 Navy at Portsmouth, Air Force in Bedford and the Army in Aldershot. 10 00:01:19,575 --> 00:01:23,329 Almost nothing north of The Wash where the unemployment is. 11 00:01:23,495 --> 00:01:26,771 - Servicemen come from the north. - But spend in the south. 12 00:01:26,935 --> 00:01:29,733 Inevitable. That's where they are now. 13 00:01:29,895 --> 00:01:34,127 Anyway, there's nothing to spend it on in the north, is there? 14 00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:37,492 - Chief of Defence Staff. - This cannot happen... 15 00:01:37,655 --> 00:01:41,614 Don't attack me, I'm on your side, but it is a strong argument. 16 00:01:41,775 --> 00:01:47,805 Move 200,000 or 300,000 service personnel up north and you create masses of civilian jobs. 17 00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:50,773 Clerks, suppliers, builders, vehicle maintenance. 18 00:01:50,935 --> 00:01:53,972 300,000 extra pay packets spent in the shops. 19 00:01:54,135 --> 00:01:56,808 You can't move thousands of men like that. 20 00:01:56,975 --> 00:02:02,447 - I thought that's what you did with armies. - You bring 'em back! This'd be permanent. 21 00:02:02,615 --> 00:02:06,733 Guy, can any servicemen be stationed permanently in the north? 22 00:02:06,895 --> 00:02:09,614 I suppose other ranks, junior officers, 23 00:02:09,775 --> 00:02:14,371 but you can't ask senior officers to live permanently in the north! 24 00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:18,005 The wives wouldn't stand for it for one thing. Children's schools. 25 00:02:18,175 --> 00:02:21,326 I understand there are schools in the north of England. 26 00:02:21,495 --> 00:02:27,092 What about Harrods? What about Wimbledon? Ascot? Henley? The Army and Navy Club? 27 00:02:27,255 --> 00:02:31,407 I mean civilisation, generally! It's just not on! 28 00:02:31,575 --> 00:02:34,043 This is being discussed in Cabinet. 29 00:02:34,215 --> 00:02:39,414 We need more serious arguments than senior officers' wives being 300 miles from Harrods. 30 00:02:39,575 --> 00:02:43,329 What's more serious?! Chaps like us might have to move up there! 31 00:02:43,495 --> 00:02:46,692 But are there any strategic arguments against the move? 32 00:02:46,855 --> 00:02:51,975 - We can find those against anything. - But would they stand up to expert scrutiny? 33 00:02:52,135 --> 00:02:57,129 They won't get expert scrutiny. We'll make it top secret like we always do with defence. 34 00:02:57,295 --> 00:03:02,494 - Prime Minister only. - Then they certainly won't get expert scrutiny. 35 00:03:02,655 --> 00:03:07,854 But I wonder whether we might not do better to play the man instead of the ball. 36 00:03:08,015 --> 00:03:10,609 - Which man? - The Employment Secretary. 37 00:03:10,775 --> 00:03:14,165 - This was his suggestion. - Ah, yes. 38 00:03:14,335 --> 00:03:18,010 Suggest to the PM the Employment Secretary is plotting against him. 39 00:03:18,175 --> 00:03:20,643 - Is he? - Not as far as I know. 40 00:03:20,815 --> 00:03:25,969 But the question is whether the Prime Minister can be made to believe that he is. 41 00:03:26,135 --> 00:03:28,171 Any chance of getting rid of him? 42 00:03:28,335 --> 00:03:32,613 - The PM? He's only just house-trained. - The Employment Secretary. 43 00:03:32,775 --> 00:03:34,970 Field Marshal, are you suggesting 44 00:03:35,135 --> 00:03:39,970 humble civil servants should presume to remove a member of HM Government from Cabinet? 45 00:03:40,135 --> 00:03:42,933 - Yes. - Out of the question. 46 00:03:43,095 --> 00:03:46,087 Only the Prime Minister can remove ministers, 47 00:03:46,255 --> 00:03:51,283 but if the Prime Minister came to suspect the loyalty of a member of his Cabinet... 48 00:03:51,455 --> 00:03:56,734 Only someone with advanced paranoia would suspect the Employment Secretary of a plot. 49 00:03:56,895 --> 00:03:59,887 Really? Then we're in with a chance. 50 00:04:02,215 --> 00:04:06,652 Other business. Employment Secretary, you wanted views on your paper. 51 00:04:06,815 --> 00:04:10,524 Yes, my plan to reduce unemployment in the northeast 52 00:04:10,695 --> 00:04:14,165 by moving various defence establishments up there. 53 00:04:14,335 --> 00:04:16,530 Defence Secretary, what's your view? 54 00:04:16,695 --> 00:04:18,686 I know, on the face of it, 55 00:04:18,855 --> 00:04:22,894 this plan looks as though it benefits employment in depressed areas, 56 00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:28,652 but this is to be achieved, as I understand it, by relocating most defence establishments. 57 00:04:28,815 --> 00:04:32,933 This affects the Defence Department as well as Employment. 58 00:04:33,095 --> 00:04:38,647 - I need time to do a feasibility study. - Anybody else have an opinion? Quickly. 59 00:04:38,815 --> 00:04:43,206 I don't know much about it, but it does sound a serious upheaval. 60 00:04:43,375 --> 00:04:45,366 - Expensive. - A big move. 61 00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:47,526 I'm in favour of the proposal. 62 00:04:47,695 --> 00:04:50,926 - So am I. - Absolutely! 63 00:04:51,095 --> 00:04:54,849 Looks as though the Defence Secretary is in a minority of one. 64 00:04:55,015 --> 00:04:59,850 I am the responsible minister. The defence of the realm is in question. 65 00:05:00,015 --> 00:05:03,724 We'll have a full discussion at our next meeting on Friday 66 00:05:03,895 --> 00:05:06,363 and then put it to Cabinet for approval. 67 00:05:06,535 --> 00:05:10,323 Thank you. May I request that it be noted in the minutes 68 00:05:10,495 --> 00:05:15,444 that the Cabinet Committee was in favour of my plan save for one member? 69 00:05:15,615 --> 00:05:19,608 The member whose department would be reorganised. It's a problem. 70 00:05:19,775 --> 00:05:25,008 May I remind the Secretary of State for Defence that every problem is also an opportunity? 71 00:05:25,175 --> 00:05:27,530 (CABINET) Hear hear! 72 00:05:27,695 --> 00:05:33,884 The Secretary of State for Defence fears that this may create some insoluble opportunities. 73 00:05:34,055 --> 00:05:36,011 Nonsense. 74 00:05:44,495 --> 00:05:48,454 - Er, Prime Minister... - Oh, still here, Humphrey? 75 00:05:48,615 --> 00:05:54,167 Yes. I wonder if I could have a word with you about the Employment Secretary's plan. 76 00:05:55,095 --> 00:05:59,930 - Yes, terrific, isn't it? - The service chiefs aren't entirely happy. 77 00:06:00,095 --> 00:06:01,813 Good. 78 00:06:03,095 --> 00:06:06,690 - Do I have your full attention? - Of course you do. 79 00:06:06,855 --> 00:06:09,449 - I'm just reading these notes. - Mm-hm. 80 00:06:09,615 --> 00:06:13,005 Prime Minister, there's been an earthquake in Haslemere. 81 00:06:16,535 --> 00:06:18,093 Good. 82 00:06:19,935 --> 00:06:22,733 - What? - The service chiefs don't like this plan. 83 00:06:22,895 --> 00:06:26,649 Taking their wives away from Wimbledon and Harrods! 84 00:06:26,815 --> 00:06:32,526 Prime Minister, that is unworthy. Their personal feelings don't come into it. 85 00:06:32,695 --> 00:06:37,007 - Their objections are entirely strategic. - Oh, strategic, of course. 86 00:06:37,175 --> 00:06:42,772 The Admiralty needs a deep-water port so that has to be at Bath, 30 miles inland. 87 00:06:42,935 --> 00:06:47,565 The job of the Marines is to defend Norway, so we station them at Plymouth. 88 00:06:47,735 --> 00:06:53,093 Army vehicle trials take place in Scotland, so the engineering establishment has to be in Surrey. 89 00:06:53,255 --> 00:06:56,486 Well, these are just isolated examples. 90 00:06:58,175 --> 00:07:01,884 I've got another 700 isolated examples. 91 00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:05,764 - Why are you against it, Humphrey? - I assure you I'm not against it. 92 00:07:05,935 --> 00:07:09,974 I'm simply furnishing you with the appropriate questions - like that of cost. 93 00:07:10,135 --> 00:07:12,729 That's the beauty of it - it makes money. 94 00:07:12,895 --> 00:07:18,174 We sell all these expensive properties in the south and move "up north"! 95 00:07:18,335 --> 00:07:21,133 You think the Employment Secretary has done well? 96 00:07:21,295 --> 00:07:25,083 - Indeed I do. He's a good chap. - Oh, I quite agree. 97 00:07:25,255 --> 00:07:28,611 Absolutely brilliant. 98 00:07:28,775 --> 00:07:30,766 Superb intellect. 99 00:07:30,935 --> 00:07:35,531 Strong footwork, excellent elbows. A major figure, without a doubt. 100 00:07:35,695 --> 00:07:39,847 - He's not that good. - But he is a good chap, wouldn't you say? 101 00:07:40,015 --> 00:07:43,564 - I've just said so. - Oh, yes, indeed. Very popular. 102 00:07:43,735 --> 00:07:46,295 - Is he? - Oh, yes! 103 00:07:46,455 --> 00:07:48,844 - Not as popular as that, surely? - Oh, yes. 104 00:07:49,015 --> 00:07:53,327 - In Whitehall and with the parliamentary party. - I suppose, yes. 105 00:07:53,495 --> 00:07:56,373 - And with the grass roots, I'm told. - Are you? 106 00:07:56,535 --> 00:08:00,210 - And he has quite a following in Cabinet, too. - Does he? 107 00:08:00,375 --> 00:08:04,254 People are beginning to talk about him as the next Prime Minister. 108 00:08:04,415 --> 00:08:09,614 - What... What do you mean? - Oh, I mean when you decide to retire. 109 00:08:09,775 --> 00:08:16,374 I'm not going to retire! I've only just got here! Why are people talking about the next PM? 110 00:08:16,535 --> 00:08:19,447 I'm sure it's just general speculation. 111 00:08:20,335 --> 00:08:24,647 - Does he want to be Prime Minister? - Well, even if he does... 112 00:08:24,815 --> 00:08:28,285 ...surely you've got no reason to suspect his loyalty? 113 00:08:28,455 --> 00:08:31,845 He isn't planning to build up a personal following, is he? 114 00:08:32,015 --> 00:08:34,609 Isn't he? 115 00:08:34,775 --> 00:08:38,927 - Is he? - Spends a hell of a lot of time making speeches. 116 00:08:39,095 --> 00:08:43,725 Only as a loyal minister. I'm sure he pays tributes to you in them, doesn't he? 117 00:08:43,895 --> 00:08:47,490 Does he? Bernard, get me his last six speeches. 118 00:08:47,655 --> 00:08:51,045 Er, yes, I'm just getting them, Prime Minister. 119 00:08:51,215 --> 00:08:53,934 He chats up back benchers in the tea room. 120 00:08:54,095 --> 00:08:57,292 You told ministers to take more trouble to communicate. 121 00:08:57,455 --> 00:09:00,891 - And he has them round to dinner parties. - Oh, does he? 122 00:09:01,055 --> 00:09:04,092 - Worrying. - The Employment Secretary's speeches. 123 00:09:04,255 --> 00:09:10,251 I'm sure he talked about the new PM bringing new hope to Britain, the dawn of a new age. 124 00:09:10,415 --> 00:09:16,570 You know, that leaflet you told Party HQ to issue to all MPs and constituencies. 125 00:09:16,735 --> 00:09:21,206 - No, not a word. - Oh, now that IS odd. 126 00:09:21,375 --> 00:09:25,368 It's more than odd, it's suspicious. Bloody suspicious! 127 00:09:25,535 --> 00:09:29,323 Even so, he surely isn't actively plotting against you. 128 00:09:29,495 --> 00:09:32,055 - Isn't he? - Is he? 129 00:09:32,215 --> 00:09:36,606 - How do I know he's not? - I'm sure you can always find out. 130 00:09:37,375 --> 00:09:41,766 - Get me the Chief Whip. - Yes, Prime Minister. Get me the Chief Whip. 131 00:09:41,935 --> 00:09:45,723 - Now! - Now! Oh, hello, Chief Whip. 132 00:09:45,895 --> 00:09:49,490 Are you at No.12? The PM wants to see you urgently. 133 00:09:49,655 --> 00:09:52,249 - Now! - Now! Thank you. 134 00:09:58,055 --> 00:10:00,250 - Sir Humphrey. - Yes? 135 00:10:00,415 --> 00:10:03,248 - I'm troubled by what I've learned. - What? 136 00:10:03,415 --> 00:10:09,092 I feel I've had my eyes shut. I never realised there was a plot against the Prime Minister. 137 00:10:09,895 --> 00:10:13,205 Is there? How interesting. 138 00:10:13,375 --> 00:10:17,163 - But you said there was. - I said nothing, nothing at all. 139 00:10:17,335 --> 00:10:20,327 You mean... Oh. 140 00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:22,963 - Do you know if there is a plot? - No. 141 00:10:23,135 --> 00:10:26,207 - No, there isn't? Or, no, you don't know? - Yes. 142 00:10:27,455 --> 00:10:30,765 What exactly has the Employment Secretary done? 143 00:10:30,935 --> 00:10:35,645 - Nothing yet, and we must keep it that way. - But isn't his plan a good one? 144 00:10:35,815 --> 00:10:37,806 - For whom? - The country. 145 00:10:37,975 --> 00:10:40,443 - That is hardly the point. - Why not? 146 00:10:40,615 --> 00:10:44,813 Bernard, when you move on from here, where do you plan to go? 147 00:10:44,975 --> 00:10:48,126 Well, I... er... I... I don't know. 148 00:10:48,295 --> 00:10:52,846 - Like to be in charge of defence procurement? - Oh, gosh... 149 00:10:53,015 --> 00:10:57,213 - In Sunderland or Berwick or Lossiemouth? - Is that a place? 150 00:10:57,375 --> 00:11:00,970 - Lossiemouth? What'd you think it was? - A dog food. 151 00:11:03,055 --> 00:11:07,765 If the Employment Secretary has his way, you may get a diet of Lossiemouth. 152 00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:09,653 - See? - Yes. 153 00:11:09,815 --> 00:11:12,409 - How can it be good for the country? - It can't. 154 00:11:12,575 --> 00:11:16,170 Why will the Chief Whip confirm a plot that doesn't exist? 155 00:11:16,335 --> 00:11:22,524 He's bound to hedge. The Chief Whip cannot state that there's no plot just in case there is. 156 00:11:22,695 --> 00:11:27,166 - He has to cover himself. Good morning. - Could you wait in the private office? 157 00:11:27,335 --> 00:11:32,455 Bernard... now go in there and inform me of their conversation. 158 00:11:32,615 --> 00:11:35,175 I'm not sure I can. It might be confidential. 159 00:11:35,335 --> 00:11:40,728 Bernard, the matter at issue is the defence of the realm and the stability of the government. 160 00:11:40,895 --> 00:11:43,807 You only need to know things on a need-to-know basis. 161 00:11:43,975 --> 00:11:46,808 I need to know everything! 162 00:11:47,855 --> 00:11:51,894 How else can I judge whether or not I need to know it? 163 00:11:53,215 --> 00:11:57,208 So you need to know things even when you don't need to know them? 164 00:11:57,375 --> 00:12:02,085 You need to know them because you need to know whether or not you need to know. 165 00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:06,965 If you don't need to know, you need to know so you know there was no need to know. 166 00:12:07,135 --> 00:12:10,127 - Yes! - Good. That's very clear. 167 00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:17,730 Chief Whip, Prime Minister. 168 00:12:19,135 --> 00:12:21,126 Morning, Prime Minister. 169 00:12:23,255 --> 00:12:27,453 - How are things going, Chief Whip? - Oh, quite well, really. Why? 170 00:12:28,495 --> 00:12:32,693 - You've noticed nothing? - Well, it's a difficult time. 171 00:12:32,855 --> 00:12:35,847 Bit of unrest on the back benches... 172 00:12:36,015 --> 00:12:40,167 What... did you have in mind precisely? 173 00:12:40,335 --> 00:12:42,371 A plot. A leadership challenge? 174 00:12:43,255 --> 00:12:46,053 Ah. Yes... 175 00:12:47,055 --> 00:12:51,253 Well, actually, I have no real evidence of anything. 176 00:12:51,415 --> 00:12:55,124 - But you have suspicions? - Oh, I always have suspicions. 177 00:12:55,295 --> 00:12:59,925 - How far has it got? - Oh, only a very... um... very... um... 178 00:13:00,095 --> 00:13:04,407 - Early stage? - Early stage. As far as one can tell. 179 00:13:05,215 --> 00:13:07,809 Should you have a word with him? 180 00:13:07,975 --> 00:13:13,652 I don't want to lose him from the Cabinet. I... just want him under control. 181 00:13:13,815 --> 00:13:16,852 Perhaps you should have a word with him yourself. 182 00:13:17,015 --> 00:13:21,486 No, no, no, no. No, not at this stage. Who else is involved? 183 00:13:21,655 --> 00:13:23,646 Apart from... 184 00:13:26,295 --> 00:13:29,446 - Apart from Dudley, obviously. - Dudley? 185 00:13:29,615 --> 00:13:34,405 Yes, of course, apart from Dudley. Well, apart from Dudley... 186 00:13:35,855 --> 00:13:40,610 Well, it's... um... It's a bit early to say. There may be nothing in it. 187 00:13:40,775 --> 00:13:44,245 - I'm not taking any risks. - No, absolutely not! 188 00:13:44,415 --> 00:13:47,532 I'll go and make a few more enquiries. 189 00:13:47,695 --> 00:13:49,811 (TO HIMSELF) Dudley? 190 00:13:49,975 --> 00:13:51,567 Yes. 191 00:13:52,735 --> 00:13:57,525 I presume the PM's in favour of the scheme because it'll reduce unemployment. 192 00:13:57,695 --> 00:14:00,687 It'll look as if he's reducing unemployment. 193 00:14:00,855 --> 00:14:03,574 Or look as if he's TRYING to reduce it. 194 00:14:03,735 --> 00:14:08,604 Whereas he's only trying to look as if he's trying to reduce unemployment. 195 00:14:08,775 --> 00:14:15,374 Because he's worried that it doesn't LOOK as if he's trying to look as if he's trying to reduce it. 196 00:14:15,535 --> 00:14:19,323 - So how are you going to stop it? - Well, Arnold, the Prime Minis... 197 00:14:19,495 --> 00:14:21,690 The PM has come to suspect 198 00:14:21,855 --> 00:14:26,292 the plan may be the start of a leadership bid by the Employment Secretary. 199 00:14:26,455 --> 00:14:31,734 How ridiculous, but the higher the office, the higher the level of paranoia. 200 00:14:31,895 --> 00:14:35,604 Fortunately, yes, but paranoia needs something to feed on. 201 00:14:35,775 --> 00:14:38,767 Nothing like press leaks for paranoia fodder. 202 00:14:38,935 --> 00:14:44,248 What if there should be a headline about the Employment Secretary's brilliant plan 203 00:14:44,415 --> 00:14:46,610 being blocked by the Prime Minister? 204 00:14:46,775 --> 00:14:50,609 - Man overboard! - With any luck. 205 00:14:50,775 --> 00:14:55,053 But the trouble is a Cabinet Secretary cannot be party to a leak. 206 00:14:55,215 --> 00:14:59,686 - No, of course not. - Whereas a FORMER Cabinet Secretary... 207 00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:06,447 Presumably, as chairman of the Campaign for Freedom of Information, 208 00:15:06,615 --> 00:15:11,370 you have a... a duty to make certain facts available. 209 00:15:11,535 --> 00:15:15,448 Are you suggesting I give confidential information to the press? 210 00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:17,765 Certainly not, Arnold. 211 00:15:17,935 --> 00:15:20,927 This is confidential disinformation. 212 00:15:21,095 --> 00:15:23,211 Ah, that's different. 213 00:15:27,295 --> 00:15:32,892 Oh, excuse me. Is that the evening paper for the Prime Minister? May I? Thank you. 214 00:15:35,015 --> 00:15:39,486 Ah, good. Look, I have to have an urgent word with him. 215 00:15:39,655 --> 00:15:45,651 I wonder if you'd be kind enough to bring that in in, say, three minutes. Thank you. 216 00:15:48,335 --> 00:15:52,533 - Thank you, Bernard. - Humphrey, I know what's been going on! 217 00:15:52,695 --> 00:15:54,413 - You do? - Yes! 218 00:15:54,575 --> 00:16:00,764 A scheme has been hatched behind my back, a disloyal, treacherous plot, and I won't tolerate it. 219 00:16:00,935 --> 00:16:03,244 - I've spoken to the Chief Whip. - And? 220 00:16:03,415 --> 00:16:08,205 He says he has his suspicions. He's going to make enquiries. 221 00:16:08,375 --> 00:16:11,685 He can't tell me more till he has something solid. You see? 222 00:16:11,855 --> 00:16:15,245 - What? - The Employment Secretary is plotting! 223 00:16:15,415 --> 00:16:20,125 - Come on, Humphrey! - Well, I must say, I am surprised. 224 00:16:21,575 --> 00:16:24,772 I should've thought all your Cabinet were loyal. 225 00:16:24,935 --> 00:16:28,530 Loyal! You know what loyalty in a Cabinet minister means? 226 00:16:28,695 --> 00:16:33,325 His fear of losing his own job is slightly greater than his hope of pinching mine. 227 00:16:33,495 --> 00:16:35,884 But with collective responsibility... 228 00:16:36,055 --> 00:16:39,843 If we do something popular, they leak that it was their idea. 229 00:16:40,015 --> 00:16:43,052 If it's unpopular, they leak they were against it. 230 00:16:43,215 --> 00:16:46,924 We're governed on the principle of collective irresponsibility. 231 00:16:47,095 --> 00:16:49,655 - Hah hah (!) - Why do they want your job? 232 00:16:49,815 --> 00:16:55,890 Because I'm the only member of the government who can't be sent to Northern Ireland next week. 233 00:16:56,055 --> 00:17:01,254 I can't believe that the Employment Secretary is actively plotting against you. 234 00:17:01,415 --> 00:17:03,610 What more proof do you want? 235 00:17:03,775 --> 00:17:09,691 This proposal to send defence establishments up north is bound to be leaked to the press. 236 00:17:09,855 --> 00:17:13,245 - Bound to be. - If it were leaked as HIS plan, 237 00:17:13,415 --> 00:17:17,727 it'd confirm your suspicions, but I'm sure it'll go out as a government plan. 238 00:17:17,895 --> 00:17:21,604 - Are you? I'm not. - Ah, the evening paper. 239 00:17:25,135 --> 00:17:30,892 Good God! Look! Swine! There's your proof, Humphrey! 240 00:17:32,255 --> 00:17:34,849 Good heavens, I'm astonished. 241 00:17:36,935 --> 00:17:40,405 "Sources in Whitehall report that this imaginative plan, 242 00:17:40,575 --> 00:17:43,726 "an initiative by the Employment Secretary, 243 00:17:43,895 --> 00:17:46,887 "has been blocked by the Prime Minister"?! 244 00:17:47,055 --> 00:17:49,250 How dare he! 245 00:17:49,415 --> 00:17:51,565 How dare he! I'm... I'm... 246 00:17:51,735 --> 00:17:54,203 - Speechless? - Speechless! 247 00:17:55,255 --> 00:17:58,850 I've backed him all along! I've fought for his sodding plan! 248 00:17:59,015 --> 00:18:02,610 I gave him his first Cabinet post, treated him like a son! 249 00:18:02,775 --> 00:18:04,845 This is the thanks I get! 250 00:18:05,015 --> 00:18:09,850 How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless Cabinet colleague. 251 00:18:10,015 --> 00:18:12,927 It's envy. Dudley is consumed with envy. 252 00:18:13,095 --> 00:18:15,484 It's one of the seven Dudley sins. 253 00:18:20,535 --> 00:18:26,371 Prime Minister, shall we start to draft your letter accepting his resignation? 254 00:18:26,535 --> 00:18:30,323 It's not that simple. He'll deny he leaked, so why am I sacking him? 255 00:18:30,495 --> 00:18:36,206 He'll be more dangerous on the back benches. Sacked, he doesn't have to pretend to be loyal. 256 00:18:36,375 --> 00:18:42,211 - So you mean you'll go ahead with his plan? - I can't. Not now. 257 00:18:42,375 --> 00:18:47,574 It'll look as though he's defeated me. I can't risk that. It's a good plan. 258 00:18:47,735 --> 00:18:51,569 So... perha... Er... no, no, I... 259 00:18:51,735 --> 00:18:55,284 Prime Minister, you're not being indecisive, are you? 260 00:18:55,455 --> 00:18:58,447 No, no! 261 00:18:58,615 --> 00:19:03,609 - No, I just can't make up my mind. - Well, perhaps I can help. 262 00:19:03,775 --> 00:19:06,972 - How? - Technically, I shouldn't be showing you this. 263 00:19:07,135 --> 00:19:10,491 - Why not? I'm Prime Minister, aren't I? - Indeed you are! 264 00:19:11,455 --> 00:19:14,174 That's why I shouldn't show it to you. 265 00:19:14,335 --> 00:19:19,807 It's a Ministry of Defence draft internal paper. The Secretary of Defence hasn't seen it yet. 266 00:19:19,975 --> 00:19:25,174 - But it casts grave doubts on the plan. - Does it? 267 00:19:25,335 --> 00:19:29,123 Many of the valuable buildings he quotes can't be sold. 268 00:19:29,295 --> 00:19:34,289 Some are listed, some have planning controls. The cost of the move would be prohibitive. 269 00:19:34,455 --> 00:19:38,164 It'd create unemployment in the Home Counties and East Anglia 270 00:19:38,335 --> 00:19:44,729 and in Part 3 there are pages and pages of objections on the grounds of military strategy. 271 00:19:44,895 --> 00:19:49,491 - And all this is honest and accurate? - It comes from the Ministry of Defence. 272 00:19:52,495 --> 00:19:55,487 Even so, it COULD be honest and accurate. 273 00:19:56,495 --> 00:20:00,693 You know, I think the public has a right to know this. 274 00:20:01,495 --> 00:20:03,690 It is a top-secret document. 275 00:20:06,695 --> 00:20:11,291 On the other hand, the service chiefs are notorious for their indiscretion. 276 00:20:11,455 --> 00:20:15,334 It could find its way into the hands of some irresponsible journalist. 277 00:20:15,495 --> 00:20:20,205 - Quite. Or several irresponsible... - Several, indeed, Prime Minister. 278 00:20:20,375 --> 00:20:23,970 - Of course, I could never be a party to that. - Certainly not. 279 00:20:24,135 --> 00:20:28,731 So, shall we defer further discussion of the Employment Secretary's plan 280 00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:30,886 to an unspecified future date? 281 00:20:31,495 --> 00:20:33,884 Yeah, let's drop it. 282 00:20:34,055 --> 00:20:37,730 Prime Minister. Meanwhile, I'll go and attend to the plumbing. 283 00:20:40,295 --> 00:20:45,415 - When's he going to leak it? - Did I ask for a leak, Bernard? 284 00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:50,693 - Well, not in so many... No, you didn't. - No, I didn't. 285 00:20:50,855 --> 00:20:54,768 I occasionally have confidential press briefings, but I have never leaked. 286 00:20:54,935 --> 00:20:59,133 Another irregular verb - I give confidential press briefings, you leak, 287 00:20:59,295 --> 00:21:04,085 he's been charged under Section 2A of the Official Secrets Act. 288 00:21:09,095 --> 00:21:12,007 - (ALL) Good morning, Prime Minister. - Morning. 289 00:21:15,015 --> 00:21:18,325 - (BOTH) Good morning. - Have you seen the papers? 290 00:21:18,495 --> 00:21:22,693 - Indeed. - Dudley's replied to the press about that leak. 291 00:21:22,855 --> 00:21:25,574 He's demanded a public inquiry. 292 00:21:25,735 --> 00:21:30,570 - Shocking. - Inquiries never find the true source of a leak. 293 00:21:31,495 --> 00:21:36,091 - But we know the true source. You asked us... - Bernard. 294 00:21:37,975 --> 00:21:40,773 You're not suggesting I authorised this leak? 295 00:21:40,935 --> 00:21:45,486 Er, no, I... er... That is, yes. Um, I mean... Oh, I remember now. Sorry. 296 00:21:47,335 --> 00:21:51,328 - What do you remember, Bernard? - Whatever you want. 297 00:21:51,495 --> 00:21:54,293 I want the public to know there are no divisions. 298 00:21:54,455 --> 00:21:57,811 - But there are. - I don't want them multiplied. 299 00:21:57,975 --> 00:22:01,411 If you multiply divisions, you get back to where you started. 300 00:22:02,775 --> 00:22:06,927 If you divide four by two, you get two. If you multiply it, you get four. 301 00:22:07,095 --> 00:22:09,814 Unless you multiply different divisions... 302 00:22:09,975 --> 00:22:13,934 - Four by two... Bernard, send them in. - Yes, Prime Minister. 303 00:22:15,015 --> 00:22:19,611 I want to keep the Employment Secretary in the Cabinet, and the Defence Secretary, 304 00:22:19,775 --> 00:22:22,608 but I can't let this row go on any longer. 305 00:22:22,775 --> 00:22:27,166 I can't allow the Employment Secretary to be seen to defeat me. I can't risk it. 306 00:22:27,335 --> 00:22:31,328 I suggest you ask the Committee to agree to these three points. 307 00:22:31,495 --> 00:22:34,089 First, they accept Cabinet's decision. 308 00:22:34,255 --> 00:22:37,964 Secondly, there's a cooling-off period with no further discussion. 309 00:22:38,135 --> 00:22:43,846 Further, that all speeches and press statements are cleared with the Cabinet Office. 310 00:22:44,015 --> 00:22:49,135 Splendid. That should do it, yes. Point one, a cooling-off period. 311 00:22:49,295 --> 00:22:52,605 Point two, no more decisions or discussions... 312 00:22:52,775 --> 00:22:55,209 No, what was the second one? 313 00:22:55,375 --> 00:22:58,970 - I can't quite... - I'll write it down for you, Prime Minister. 314 00:23:00,015 --> 00:23:02,734 Ah, gentlemen, please be seated. 315 00:23:03,855 --> 00:23:07,006 You've all had a copy of the agenda. 316 00:23:07,175 --> 00:23:11,134 Item one, minutes of the last meeting. 317 00:23:11,295 --> 00:23:13,684 Excuse me, a point of order. 318 00:23:13,855 --> 00:23:18,133 My plan for defence establishment relocation is not on the agenda. 319 00:23:18,295 --> 00:23:20,490 - That is correct, Dudley. - Why not? 320 00:23:20,655 --> 00:23:26,446 This leaking is creating a damaging press row. I can't allow the Cabinet to seem divided. 321 00:23:26,615 --> 00:23:30,005 - It is divided. - That's why it mustn't look it. 322 00:23:30,175 --> 00:23:35,488 It's a very complex issue and I've decided to defer further discussion until a later date. 323 00:23:35,655 --> 00:23:39,045 - You were in favour of it last time. - No, I wasn't. 324 00:23:39,215 --> 00:23:44,050 - You were! So was everyone, except Defence. - No, they weren't. 325 00:23:44,215 --> 00:23:49,972 - They were! You promised further discussion! - Um... I'm sorry to interrupt, but I think not. 326 00:23:50,135 --> 00:23:53,127 - What? - There was no such promise. 327 00:23:53,295 --> 00:23:58,494 And the PM did not support the proposal. If he had, it would appear in the minutes. 328 00:23:58,655 --> 00:24:01,453 - It doesn't. - Doesn't it? 329 00:24:01,615 --> 00:24:06,484 Prime Minister, why was my request for a further discussion not minuted? 330 00:24:06,655 --> 00:24:09,453 - I... - Er, Prime Minister. 331 00:24:10,695 --> 00:24:16,691 It is characteristic of committee decisions that every member has a vivid recollection of them 332 00:24:16,855 --> 00:24:21,053 and that every member's recollection differs from every other member's. 333 00:24:21,215 --> 00:24:25,811 Consequently, we accept the convention that official decisions are those 334 00:24:25,975 --> 00:24:28,364 recorded in the minutes by the officials. 335 00:24:28,535 --> 00:24:31,732 From which it emerges, with an elegant inevitability, 336 00:24:31,895 --> 00:24:36,286 that any officially reached decision will have been recorded by the officials. 337 00:24:36,455 --> 00:24:39,652 Any decision not recorded has not been officially reached, 338 00:24:39,815 --> 00:24:42,727 even if one or more members believe they can recollect it, 339 00:24:42,895 --> 00:24:46,205 so, in this case, if the decision had been officially reached, 340 00:24:46,375 --> 00:24:48,764 it would've been recorded by the officials, 341 00:24:48,935 --> 00:24:50,926 and it isn't, so it wasn't. 342 00:24:54,495 --> 00:24:56,486 Told you so. 343 00:24:56,655 --> 00:24:59,044 This is a fiddle! Prime Minister... 344 00:24:59,215 --> 00:25:01,365 - No, this must stop. - Yes, it must! 345 00:25:01,535 --> 00:25:05,733 I have drawn up a three-point plan to which we must all adhere. 346 00:25:05,895 --> 00:25:09,285 Point one... What was point one? 347 00:25:10,295 --> 00:25:15,244 Oh, thank you. Point one, everyone will accept collective decisions, Dudley. 348 00:25:15,415 --> 00:25:19,613 - I am perfectly willing to. How are they defined? - I define them. 349 00:25:21,375 --> 00:25:25,846 Point two, there will be a cooling-off period on defence relocations. 350 00:25:26,015 --> 00:25:31,487 - Point three... Can't read this. Cleaning what? - No, CLEARING all speeches... 351 00:25:31,655 --> 00:25:36,046 All speeches and press statements must be cleared with the Cabinet Office. 352 00:25:36,215 --> 00:25:40,811 We can't cool off discussion on something that hasn't been discussed yet 353 00:25:40,975 --> 00:25:45,253 and I cannot accept that anything I say must be cleared by HIM. 354 00:25:45,415 --> 00:25:47,485 He won't clear what I want to say. 355 00:25:47,655 --> 00:25:51,489 - That is my decision and you must accept it. - I won't accept it! 356 00:25:52,615 --> 00:25:53,968 (PRIME MINISTER) Oh. 357 00:25:56,375 --> 00:26:00,084 Well, Dudley, I'm afraid you must consider your position. 358 00:26:05,055 --> 00:26:06,374 - Prime Minister. - Yes? 359 00:26:06,535 --> 00:26:10,767 I have news. Do you want the bad news first? 360 00:26:10,935 --> 00:26:15,247 - There's bad news and good news? - No, bad news and worse news. 361 00:26:15,415 --> 00:26:18,612 The Employment Secretary has resigned. His letter. 362 00:26:18,775 --> 00:26:22,484 - I didn't want to lose him. - Would you like the worse news now? 363 00:26:22,655 --> 00:26:27,410 He's accused you of being dictatorial and running a presidential-style government. 364 00:26:28,295 --> 00:26:30,684 Oh. Well, I don't mind that. 365 00:26:31,775 --> 00:26:35,973 Rather good, isn't it? People like to know they've got a strong leader. 366 00:26:36,135 --> 00:26:39,172 - Dictatorial, eh? - It will be a new pleasure for them. 367 00:26:39,335 --> 00:26:41,724 - No, it won't. - No, it won't. 368 00:26:41,895 --> 00:26:46,286 Humphrey, I'm upset about this resignation. YOUR three-point plan provoked it. 369 00:26:46,455 --> 00:26:49,288 Yes, indeed, Prime Minister, but I understand 370 00:26:49,455 --> 00:26:53,653 the Employment Secretary was planning to resign soon in any case. 371 00:26:53,815 --> 00:26:56,010 Was he? Why? And when? 372 00:26:56,175 --> 00:27:01,932 On budget day, as it was expected to give him insufficient money to deal with unemployment. 373 00:27:02,095 --> 00:27:05,087 - Damaging. - It would've made him extremely popular. 374 00:27:05,255 --> 00:27:10,454 - Perhaps it's as well I made him go. - Prime Minister, you handled it brilliantly! 375 00:27:10,615 --> 00:27:15,211 You forced him to resign on an obscure administrative issue of your choosing, 376 00:27:15,375 --> 00:27:18,367 rather than on a policy issue of his choosing. 377 00:27:18,535 --> 00:27:23,290 Nobody will support him because nobody will understand why he's gone. A masterstroke! 378 00:27:23,455 --> 00:27:26,253 Yes... it was pretty clever, wasn't it? 379 00:27:26,415 --> 00:27:28,451 Oh, masterly! 380 00:27:28,615 --> 00:27:31,607 Here's a press statement you might release. 381 00:27:31,775 --> 00:27:35,973 - Shall I phone Bill? - No, Bernard, I shall phone Bill. 382 00:27:36,135 --> 00:27:38,126 Dictatorial, hm? 383 00:27:39,935 --> 00:27:43,723 I didn't know he was thinking of resigning over the budget. 384 00:27:43,895 --> 00:27:47,490 - Nor did I. - You mean it's not true? 385 00:27:47,655 --> 00:27:52,046 I didn't say it was true. I said I understood it to be true. 386 00:27:52,215 --> 00:27:56,003 - I may have misunderstood. - So you don't know it's true? 387 00:27:56,175 --> 00:27:59,565 - I don't know it's not. It might be. - Anything might be! 388 00:27:59,735 --> 00:28:03,205 Exactly. Well done, Bernard. 389 00:28:03,375 --> 00:28:05,366 Take this down, Bill. 390 00:28:05,535 --> 00:28:11,724 "I'm puzzled because his plan was being studied, but there was a danger of much greater cost 391 00:28:11,895 --> 00:28:16,491 "without necessarily achieving the employment objectives." 392 00:28:16,655 --> 00:28:19,647 Fine. Send it up to me when it's typed. 393 00:28:20,495 --> 00:28:23,805 Well, Humphrey, looks as if you've done me a good turn. 394 00:28:23,975 --> 00:28:27,570 - Yes, indeed, Prime Minister. - Pity, though. 395 00:28:27,735 --> 00:28:31,774 Yes. But he was plotting against you, you said so yourself. 396 00:28:31,935 --> 00:28:34,813 Yes. Hold on, I've got an idea! 397 00:28:34,975 --> 00:28:36,772 Prime Minister! 398 00:28:38,015 --> 00:28:42,327 Now that the Employment Secretary's gone, we could reinstate the plan! 399 00:28:43,375 --> 00:28:45,172 But... 400 00:28:45,335 --> 00:28:49,931 I could press on with it now and it won't look like weakness, but strength! 401 00:28:50,095 --> 00:28:53,087 - But the whole point was... - Was what? 402 00:28:53,255 --> 00:28:57,726 - It wasn't to stop the plan, surely? - No, no, no, no, no. 403 00:28:57,895 --> 00:29:01,365 It was to... um... um... er... er... 404 00:29:01,535 --> 00:29:04,925 ...establish your authority. - Exactly. And I've done that. 405 00:29:05,095 --> 00:29:08,292 So, if we recreate the plan, it'll show I wasn't against it 406 00:29:08,455 --> 00:29:12,448 and that Dudley's resignation was pointless, right? 407 00:29:12,615 --> 00:29:17,006 Put it top of the agenda for the next Cabinet... OK? 408 00:29:18,655 --> 00:29:21,044 Yes, Prime Minister. 409 00:30:42,500 --> 00:30:45,970 Gentlemen, we're here to consider security clearance 410 00:30:46,140 --> 00:30:49,132 for the publication of my predecessor's memoirs. 411 00:30:49,300 --> 00:30:53,088 - Solicitor General. - We've already approved chapters 1 to 7. 412 00:30:53,260 --> 00:30:59,449 - I see no reason to withhold approval for 8. - There is some highly questionable material. 413 00:30:59,620 --> 00:31:02,612 - Such as? - Well, page 211, for a start. 414 00:31:04,820 --> 00:31:11,009 It only says, "The Administrative Affairs Minister supported the expansion of Sellafield in Cabinet, 415 00:31:11,180 --> 00:31:15,776 - "but spoke out against it in public." - That was me. I was the minister. 416 00:31:15,940 --> 00:31:19,933 - The point is it's not a security leak. - But it isn't true. 417 00:31:20,100 --> 00:31:24,298 The documentation is fairly impressive, but with respect, 418 00:31:24,460 --> 00:31:29,329 if he's libelled you, it's a matter for the courts, not for the Security Clearance Committee. 419 00:31:29,500 --> 00:31:34,210 We can't have such accusations spread around. It's not just page 211 either. 420 00:31:34,380 --> 00:31:39,579 On 224, there's a scurrilous accusation about my stopping that chemical-plant project 421 00:31:39,740 --> 00:31:42,334 because of a baseless press scare. 422 00:31:42,500 --> 00:31:45,890 Then there's an indefensible passage about me on page 231. 423 00:31:46,060 --> 00:31:50,656 Oh, 231. "Hacker was more interested in votes than principles, 424 00:31:50,820 --> 00:31:55,610 "running for cover at the first whiff of unpopularity. 425 00:31:55,780 --> 00:32:00,171 "He raised the average age of Cabinet but lowered the average IQ." 426 00:32:02,260 --> 00:32:06,014 Thank you, Humphrey. We've all read the chapter. 427 00:32:06,180 --> 00:32:11,777 As I said, I'm not supporting or defending him, but it's not an actual security breach. 428 00:32:11,940 --> 00:32:14,738 Chapter 5 got leaked and we took no action. 429 00:32:14,900 --> 00:32:20,258 Oh, well, chapter 5 was very complimentary about my getting the Kumran contract. 430 00:32:20,420 --> 00:32:24,618 It had as much confidential material and you never had a leak inquiry. 431 00:32:24,780 --> 00:32:29,490 Well... anybody could have leaked that chapter to the press. 432 00:32:32,420 --> 00:32:34,411 Anybody. 433 00:32:34,580 --> 00:32:38,653 - I mean, even the title of chapter 8... - "The Two Faces Of Jim Hacker." 434 00:32:38,820 --> 00:32:41,015 Er, that's not a secret, surely. 435 00:32:43,740 --> 00:32:47,449 I think there are security implications. Sellafield is nuclear. 436 00:32:47,620 --> 00:32:52,057 The Energy Secretary has seen the chapter and he says he has no problems. 437 00:32:52,220 --> 00:32:57,169 No! It describes him as the ablest minister in Cabinet. Another slur on me. 438 00:32:57,340 --> 00:32:59,934 - It isn't actionable. - Let's be clear. 439 00:33:00,100 --> 00:33:03,297 - We have the right to refuse publication. - We have. 440 00:33:03,460 --> 00:33:08,056 If they publish anyway, we'll have no hope of stopping it through the courts. 441 00:33:08,220 --> 00:33:11,018 - Lean on the publishers. - On what grounds? 442 00:33:11,180 --> 00:33:13,489 - National interest. - I've already... 443 00:33:13,660 --> 00:33:18,859 It's obscene filth. It cannot be in the national interest to ridicule the national leader. 444 00:33:19,020 --> 00:33:24,219 I mean... undermine confidence in the national leadership. 445 00:33:24,380 --> 00:33:27,133 Chapter 8 must not be published, right? 446 00:33:33,540 --> 00:33:36,338 - Well, Bernard? - No, not very, Sir Humphrey. 447 00:33:38,380 --> 00:33:40,371 Has the PM seen that yet? 448 00:33:40,540 --> 00:33:44,897 They quoted it on "Today". He'd have listened to it while he had breakfast. 449 00:33:45,060 --> 00:33:47,654 I heard it. They had HIM for breakfast. 450 00:33:47,820 --> 00:33:51,699 They had fun with, "Jim Hacker raised the average age of the Cabinet... 451 00:33:51,860 --> 00:33:55,011 (BOTH) "...but lowered the average IQ." 452 00:33:55,180 --> 00:34:00,652 - Actually, it is rather amusing. - Yes, it is. But, er, on the other hand... 453 00:34:00,820 --> 00:34:04,210 I know. Have you any explanation for this leak? 454 00:34:04,380 --> 00:34:07,338 - It wasn't me. - Of course it wasn't you! 455 00:34:07,500 --> 00:34:10,970 It's hardly in your interest or mine to leak THAT chapter. 456 00:34:11,140 --> 00:34:14,849 It's not just chapter 8, it's the report that he tried to suppress it. 457 00:34:15,020 --> 00:34:18,808 - The leak came from someone at the meeting. - Good morning. 458 00:34:18,980 --> 00:34:23,371 - What makes him think that? - Is he... er...? Has he... 459 00:34:24,380 --> 00:34:28,373 Half of Britain's press corps are here waiting for his response. 460 00:34:28,540 --> 00:34:31,293 - Only half? - The other half are on the phone. 461 00:34:31,460 --> 00:34:33,451 The foreign press have picked it up. 462 00:34:33,620 --> 00:34:37,090 I've had interview requests from "Le Monde", the "Washington Post", 463 00:34:37,260 --> 00:34:40,058 and "Women's Wear Daily". 464 00:34:40,220 --> 00:34:44,054 - How do you think he'll take it? - (INTERCOM BUZZER) 465 00:34:44,220 --> 00:34:46,688 We're just about to find out. 466 00:34:46,860 --> 00:34:50,330 (IMPATIENT CONTINUOUS BUZZING) 467 00:34:57,780 --> 00:34:59,372 Well? 468 00:35:00,340 --> 00:35:03,412 Well? Well, say something. 469 00:35:05,820 --> 00:35:10,211 - Good morning, Prime Minister. - Good morning, Prime Minister. 470 00:35:10,380 --> 00:35:14,532 Seen this? You're my press secretary, Bill. It's a catastrophe! 471 00:35:14,700 --> 00:35:17,692 - With respect... - With no respect at all! 472 00:35:17,860 --> 00:35:23,457 No respect for confidentiality, no respect for the national interest or the national leader! 473 00:35:23,620 --> 00:35:26,054 - Who leaked it? - Who can say? 474 00:35:26,220 --> 00:35:30,691 You can say and you'd better say! I want this traced at once! 475 00:35:30,860 --> 00:35:34,648 - It must've been somebody at the meeting. - I'll set up a leak inquiry. 476 00:35:34,820 --> 00:35:38,608 I don't want a leak inquiry. I want to find out who did it. 477 00:35:39,620 --> 00:35:43,408 One normally doesn't want to find out who's responsible 478 00:35:43,580 --> 00:35:46,299 in case it turns out to be one of the Cabinet. 479 00:35:46,460 --> 00:35:51,170 The Solicitor General and I were the only ministers present. Law officers never leak. 480 00:35:51,340 --> 00:35:55,049 He had nothing to gain, it wasn't me and all the rest were officials. 481 00:35:55,220 --> 00:35:59,816 - I will pursue this through to the courts! - The press are all waiting. 482 00:35:59,980 --> 00:36:03,450 There are four requests for TV interviews and eleven for radio. 483 00:36:03,620 --> 00:36:10,093 Marvellous. Last week, I was dying to tell them about my achieving detente with the Soviets. 484 00:36:10,260 --> 00:36:14,139 Now this happens and they charge in like a herd of vultures. 485 00:36:14,300 --> 00:36:16,609 Not herd, Prime Minister. 486 00:36:17,900 --> 00:36:20,334 (CLEARLY) Charge in like a herd... 487 00:36:20,500 --> 00:36:22,889 Vultures don't herd, they flock. 488 00:36:24,420 --> 00:36:27,014 And they don't charge, they... er... 489 00:36:29,700 --> 00:36:32,897 - What do they do, Bernard? - They... er... 490 00:36:38,580 --> 00:36:40,571 Sit down, Bernard. 491 00:36:42,900 --> 00:36:45,209 Why can't the press support Britain? 492 00:36:45,380 --> 00:36:49,214 Why do they muck-rake? Why can't they write about our successes? 493 00:36:49,380 --> 00:36:53,612 - Like... er...? - Well, like my detente with the Soviets. 494 00:36:53,780 --> 00:36:58,934 There are friendly noises from the Kremlin, but it hasn't led to anything concrete. 495 00:36:59,100 --> 00:37:01,489 - It's going to. - I'm sorry. 496 00:37:01,660 --> 00:37:07,132 I have to tell them something about you trying to suppress your predecessor's memoirs. 497 00:37:07,300 --> 00:37:11,498 Very well. Talk to them off the record. "Sources close to the Prime Minister." 498 00:37:11,660 --> 00:37:13,855 - Say nothing attributable. - Right. 499 00:37:14,020 --> 00:37:17,410 Say that what he said about me is a pack of lies. 500 00:37:17,580 --> 00:37:22,131 Um... you mean about... er... running for cover and that sort of thing? 501 00:37:22,980 --> 00:37:26,177 - Yes. - The problem is, it is the author's opinion. 502 00:37:26,340 --> 00:37:28,649 We can't call him a liar for an opinion. 503 00:37:28,820 --> 00:37:33,496 Well, say that it's a pack of lies about my supporting Sellafield in Cabinet 504 00:37:33,660 --> 00:37:35,651 but speaking against it in public. 505 00:37:35,820 --> 00:37:39,608 - Er, yes, but the thing is, it is sort of true. - Oh, shut up, Bernard. 506 00:37:40,700 --> 00:37:42,930 How do we say it's a pack of lies? 507 00:37:43,100 --> 00:37:46,410 The PM's recollection is at variance with his predecessor's. 508 00:37:46,580 --> 00:37:49,890 Then say the Cabinet minutes vindicate me completely, 509 00:37:50,060 --> 00:37:56,249 but, unfortunately, owing to the 30-year rule, they can't be disclosed for another 25 years, 510 00:37:56,420 --> 00:37:59,856 which makes his book deeply unfair as well as untrue. 511 00:38:00,020 --> 00:38:03,808 - What about the smears against you personally? - Smear him. 512 00:38:03,980 --> 00:38:09,976 Say that he's trying to re-write history to make his own premiership look a little less disastrous. 513 00:38:10,140 --> 00:38:13,450 - Imply that he's going gaga. - Fine. 514 00:38:13,620 --> 00:38:18,648 "Passage of time and separation from official records have perhaps clouded his memory." 515 00:38:18,820 --> 00:38:24,417 - Yeah. What about the gaga bit? - "One would expect it from a man of his age." 516 00:38:24,580 --> 00:38:27,048 - That do? - That's OK for the chapter. 517 00:38:27,220 --> 00:38:32,010 - What about your trying to prevent publication? - Say that's a pack of lies, too. 518 00:38:32,180 --> 00:38:35,889 "Garbled account of a routine meeting. No question of suppression." 519 00:38:36,060 --> 00:38:38,858 - Do you want to give interviews? - No. 520 00:38:39,020 --> 00:38:42,012 - Shall I say why? - Make it a quote. 521 00:38:42,180 --> 00:38:48,050 "Insignificant matter of no national importance. Typical of the media's trivialisation of politics." 522 00:38:48,220 --> 00:38:53,010 - And who shall I attribute that quote to? - Close Cabinet colleague. 523 00:38:54,820 --> 00:38:56,811 Thank you, Prime Minister. 524 00:38:58,100 --> 00:39:03,094 - This is a disaster. - Oh, surely it's not all that serious. 525 00:39:03,260 --> 00:39:06,889 Telling the public they can't trust their Prime Minister? 526 00:39:07,060 --> 00:39:10,370 They won't believe that. 527 00:39:10,540 --> 00:39:13,577 - Think not? - Of course not. 528 00:39:13,740 --> 00:39:17,369 They might. Or they couldn't trust their ex-Prime Minister. 529 00:39:17,540 --> 00:39:20,850 - Yes, thank you. - They never could trust him. 530 00:39:21,020 --> 00:39:24,012 Thank goodness I've brought back honesty. 531 00:39:24,180 --> 00:39:28,253 - Thank goodness, Prime Minister. - Now, about nailing that leak. 532 00:39:28,420 --> 00:39:32,049 Sorry to be pedantic, but if you nail a leak, you make another. 533 00:39:36,980 --> 00:39:40,575 I want to trace the culprit and I want a prosecution. 534 00:39:40,740 --> 00:39:44,130 - Yes, Prime Minister. - And I want a conviction. 535 00:39:44,300 --> 00:39:47,895 We can try and trace the culprit, we can prosecute, 536 00:39:48,060 --> 00:39:50,051 but under our political system, 537 00:39:50,220 --> 00:39:54,930 there are problems about the government actually guaranteeing a conviction. 538 00:39:55,100 --> 00:39:58,297 Oh, surely. Little drinkie with the judge? 539 00:39:59,700 --> 00:40:03,818 Unthinkable. There is no way any pressure can be placed on a judge. 540 00:40:03,980 --> 00:40:08,735 - How does one secure a conviction? - Find a judge who won't need any pressure. 541 00:40:10,860 --> 00:40:16,253 A word with the Lord Chancellor. Find a judge who's hoping to be made a Lord of Appeal. 542 00:40:16,420 --> 00:40:20,299 Then leave justice to take her own impartial and majestic course. 543 00:40:20,460 --> 00:40:22,655 - That does the trick? - Not always. 544 00:40:22,820 --> 00:40:28,611 Sometimes they're so obviously trying to convict, the jury acquits out of sheer bloody-mindedness. 545 00:40:28,780 --> 00:40:32,329 - You need a judge with common sense. - Oh, yes. 546 00:40:32,500 --> 00:40:35,298 Won't be as easy as you make out. 547 00:40:38,180 --> 00:40:43,573 - What are you asking me to tell my readers? - I'm not asking you to tell them anything. 548 00:40:43,740 --> 00:40:47,449 - I'm just putting my side of the story. - Why the big fuss? 549 00:40:47,620 --> 00:40:51,772 I have not got two faces and I did not try to suppress that chapter. 550 00:40:51,940 --> 00:40:54,534 - Can I quote you? - You may not quote me 551 00:40:54,700 --> 00:40:57,055 denying that I have two faces. 552 00:40:57,860 --> 00:41:01,455 It was worth a try. Dunno why you're so upset, Jim. 553 00:41:01,620 --> 00:41:07,331 The article doesn't exactly flatter you, but it's part of the rough and tumble of political life. 554 00:41:07,500 --> 00:41:11,539 A responsible newspaper ought not to print such smears. Why did you? 555 00:41:11,700 --> 00:41:15,739 'Cause it sold us over 100,000 extra copies. 556 00:41:15,900 --> 00:41:18,972 Didn't you realise how damaging that accusation is? 557 00:41:19,140 --> 00:41:23,930 Here's this damaging accusation. Are you saying you didn't try to stop it? 558 00:41:24,100 --> 00:41:28,173 Of course I didn't. It's a free country. Freedom of speech. 559 00:41:28,340 --> 00:41:31,969 - It's damaging to you personally. - Not that damaging. 560 00:41:32,140 --> 00:41:36,736 - What's the fuss, then? - It's not the damage to me personally I mind. 561 00:41:36,900 --> 00:41:41,690 - It's the damage to Britain that I worry about. - Britain? 562 00:41:41,860 --> 00:41:47,730 Undermining the leadership can damage the nation - with foreigners, the pound. 563 00:41:49,460 --> 00:41:55,376 - I want you to retract that suppression story. - Hm. I don't see how I can. 564 00:41:55,540 --> 00:42:00,250 - Of course you can. You're the editor. - I'm not a general commanding an army. 565 00:42:00,420 --> 00:42:05,813 I'm the ringmaster of a circus. I book the acts, but I can't tell the acrobats which way to jump! 566 00:42:10,140 --> 00:42:13,610 It wouldn't be helpful to make us think we couldn't trust you. 567 00:42:13,780 --> 00:42:19,377 We'd like to cooperate with the press, but you're making it difficult for us. 568 00:42:19,540 --> 00:42:25,729 I don't think it'd be helpful if you made it seem as though you were hostile to our paper. 569 00:42:25,900 --> 00:42:29,336 We like to cooperate with No.10, but if it's war... 570 00:42:29,500 --> 00:42:33,493 No, no, no, no, no, I... No, I wasn't suggesting... 571 00:42:33,660 --> 00:42:38,415 All I meant was that there could be exclusive interviews, photo opportunities... 572 00:42:38,580 --> 00:42:41,458 - If I retract? - If you print the truth. 573 00:42:42,700 --> 00:42:46,693 I have to stick by my story until I get hard evidence that it's not true. 574 00:42:46,860 --> 00:42:49,772 - Such as? - The minutes of the meeting. 575 00:42:51,060 --> 00:42:54,848 - I don't see why not. My integrity is at stake. - Prime Minister... 576 00:42:55,020 --> 00:42:59,059 Bernard, the minutes bear out my version of the meeting, don't they? 577 00:42:59,220 --> 00:43:01,893 Well, I... er... um... 578 00:43:02,060 --> 00:43:05,336 Well, I... er... yes. 579 00:43:05,500 --> 00:43:10,449 Yes, Derek, you may see them. I know they're usually confidential, but this is a special case. 580 00:43:10,620 --> 00:43:14,932 - Can I publish them? - We'll see. I'll have another look at them. 581 00:43:15,100 --> 00:43:18,092 Bernard, show them to me this afternoon. 582 00:43:19,620 --> 00:43:22,418 - (KNOCK AT DOOR) - Yes? 583 00:43:22,580 --> 00:43:26,368 - Sir Humphrey, have you got a moment? - Yes, Bernard. 584 00:43:31,180 --> 00:43:33,614 Er... I've got a problem. 585 00:43:33,780 --> 00:43:35,975 - Yes, Bernard. - You know? 586 00:43:36,140 --> 00:43:37,732 - Yes. - How? 587 00:43:37,900 --> 00:43:42,212 - Because you've just told me. - Do you know what my problem is? 588 00:43:42,380 --> 00:43:45,656 Your problem is that you don't ever come to the point. 589 00:43:45,820 --> 00:43:50,336 Sorry. The PM has just had lunch with Derek Burnham, the editor... 590 00:43:50,500 --> 00:43:53,298 - I know who he is. - The PM told him 591 00:43:53,460 --> 00:43:58,250 that the minutes of Cabinet Committee confirm that he didn't try to suppress chapter 8 592 00:43:58,420 --> 00:44:01,014 and that he'd publish them if necessary. 593 00:44:01,180 --> 00:44:05,378 - So what is your problem? - Well, the minutes aren't written yet. 594 00:44:05,540 --> 00:44:08,816 - I see. - So, er, what should I do? 595 00:44:09,740 --> 00:44:11,776 Write them, dear Bernard. 596 00:44:12,940 --> 00:44:16,728 The problem is the PM did try to suppress the chapter, didn't he? 597 00:44:17,540 --> 00:44:20,532 - I don't know. Did he? - Don't you remember? 598 00:44:20,700 --> 00:44:25,410 What I remember is irrelevant. If the minutes don't say that he did, then he didn't. 599 00:44:26,100 --> 00:44:30,810 - So you want me to falsify the minutes? - I want nothing of the sort! 600 00:44:30,980 --> 00:44:35,371 - What do YOU want, Bernard? - I want to have a clear conscience. 601 00:44:35,540 --> 00:44:37,531 - A clear conscience. - Yes. 602 00:44:38,620 --> 00:44:42,374 When did you acquire this taste for luxuries? 603 00:44:43,860 --> 00:44:46,852 Consciences are for politicians, Bernard. 604 00:44:47,020 --> 00:44:49,011 We are humble functionaries 605 00:44:49,180 --> 00:44:53,173 whose duty it is to implement the commands of elected representatives. 606 00:44:53,340 --> 00:44:58,460 How could we be doing anything wrong if it has been commanded by those representatives? 607 00:44:58,620 --> 00:45:02,408 - I can't accept that. No man is an island. - I agree, Bernard. 608 00:45:02,580 --> 00:45:05,572 "No man is an island, entire of itself; 609 00:45:05,740 --> 00:45:07,935 "And therefore 610 00:45:08,100 --> 00:45:13,128 "never send to know for whom the bell tolls." 611 00:45:13,300 --> 00:45:15,768 It tolls for thee, Bernard. 612 00:45:16,980 --> 00:45:22,771 - So what do you suggest, Sir Humphrey? - Minutes do not record everything, do they? 613 00:45:22,940 --> 00:45:26,933 - No, of course not. - People change their minds during a meeting. 614 00:45:27,100 --> 00:45:31,378 - Yes... - So the meeting is a mass of ingredients. 615 00:45:31,540 --> 00:45:35,738 - Oh, like cooking. - Like... No, not like cooking, Bernard. 616 00:45:35,900 --> 00:45:39,893 Better not use that word in connection with books or minutes. 617 00:45:40,060 --> 00:45:44,451 You choose from a jumble of ill-digested ideas 618 00:45:44,620 --> 00:45:47,612 a version which represents the PM's views 619 00:45:47,780 --> 00:45:51,614 as he would, on reflection, have liked them to emerge. 620 00:45:51,780 --> 00:45:54,010 But if it's not a true record... 621 00:45:54,180 --> 00:45:59,174 The purpose of minutes is not to record events, it is to protect people. 622 00:45:59,340 --> 00:46:04,334 You do not take notes if the Prime Minister says something he did not mean to say, 623 00:46:04,500 --> 00:46:09,290 particularly if it contradicts something he has said publicly. 624 00:46:09,460 --> 00:46:14,488 You try to improve on what has been said, put it in a better order. You are tactful. 625 00:46:14,660 --> 00:46:18,050 - But how do I justify that? - You are his servant. 626 00:46:18,220 --> 00:46:22,611 - Oh, yes. - A minute is a note for the records 627 00:46:22,780 --> 00:46:26,568 and a statement of action, if any, that was agreed upon. 628 00:46:26,740 --> 00:46:30,733 - What happened at the meeting? - Well, the book was discussed. 629 00:46:30,900 --> 00:46:35,371 The Solicitor General advised there were no legal grounds for suppressing it. 630 00:46:35,540 --> 00:46:39,328 And did the PM accept what the Solicitor General had said? 631 00:46:39,500 --> 00:46:43,288 He accepted the fact there were no legal grounds for suppression... 632 00:46:43,460 --> 00:46:45,655 He accepted the fact 633 00:46:45,820 --> 00:46:50,769 that there were no legal grounds for suppression. You see? 634 00:46:50,940 --> 00:46:52,737 Oh. 635 00:46:54,020 --> 00:46:56,215 - Is that a lie? - No. 636 00:46:56,380 --> 00:46:58,575 - Can you write it in the minutes? - Yes. 637 00:46:58,740 --> 00:47:02,130 - How's your conscience? - Much better, thank you. 638 00:47:08,980 --> 00:47:11,972 Bernard Woolley? Your minutes were published today. 639 00:47:12,140 --> 00:47:16,179 - The minutes of Jim Hacker's meeting. - I know. I've got to go to work. 640 00:47:16,340 --> 00:47:18,934 - Answer a few questions. - I can't comment. 641 00:47:19,100 --> 00:47:21,978 - But it all looks very suspicious. - What? 642 00:47:22,140 --> 00:47:26,531 - Why did it take so long to publish them? - Because they weren't... 643 00:47:26,700 --> 00:47:29,089 Weren't cleared for publication? 644 00:47:29,260 --> 00:47:35,335 - But the PM cleared them last Thursday. - Yes, but there's the Official Secrets Act. 645 00:47:35,500 --> 00:47:40,096 - So how can they be cleared for publication? - The PM can clear anything. 646 00:47:40,260 --> 00:47:44,253 Are you saying the PM is not subject to the Official Secrets Act? 647 00:47:44,420 --> 00:47:48,174 - Well... no. - No, he is or no, he isn't? 648 00:47:48,340 --> 00:47:52,492 - Yes. - You're saying that Hacker makes the rules. 649 00:47:52,660 --> 00:47:54,616 - No. - That's what you said. 650 00:47:54,780 --> 00:47:59,217 - Yes. - So the Prime Minister is above the law. 651 00:47:59,380 --> 00:48:01,894 - Not in theory. - But in practice? 652 00:48:03,340 --> 00:48:05,615 - No comment. - Very interesting. 653 00:48:06,540 --> 00:48:09,737 Look, I'm not sure I've made myself clear. 654 00:48:09,900 --> 00:48:12,130 Oh, you've made it very clear. 655 00:48:12,300 --> 00:48:16,088 Any truth in the rumour that your minutes took four days to appear 656 00:48:16,260 --> 00:48:19,377 because Mr Hacker can only type with two fingers? 657 00:48:20,700 --> 00:48:22,691 Excuse me, I must go. 658 00:48:24,020 --> 00:48:28,889 Oh... er... by the way, I was speaking off the record. 659 00:48:29,060 --> 00:48:31,449 Sorry, a bit late to say that now. 660 00:48:37,540 --> 00:48:40,100 - Prime Minister. - Yes, Bernard? 661 00:48:40,260 --> 00:48:43,252 - Have you got a moment? - Yes, Bernard. 662 00:48:47,420 --> 00:48:50,218 Er... I've got a problem. 663 00:48:52,500 --> 00:48:55,219 - Get on with it, Bernard. - Er... yes. 664 00:48:55,380 --> 00:48:57,940 I've just been interviewed by the press. 665 00:48:58,100 --> 00:49:01,809 - You? You gave an interview? - Er, yes, I'm afraid so. 666 00:49:01,980 --> 00:49:06,371 - That's not your job. - I couldn't help it. I just... It just happened. 667 00:49:06,540 --> 00:49:09,930 - They trapped me into speaking to them. - What did you say? 668 00:49:10,100 --> 00:49:13,695 - Nothing, really. - Well, what's your problem? 669 00:49:13,860 --> 00:49:18,058 - They were asking me about you. - What about me? 670 00:49:18,220 --> 00:49:20,609 - About the Official Secrets Act. - And? 671 00:49:20,780 --> 00:49:23,499 - Whether you were bound by it. - Of course I am! 672 00:49:23,660 --> 00:49:27,573 Of course you are, but it... it might not come out like that. 673 00:49:30,500 --> 00:49:32,491 What do you mean? 674 00:49:32,660 --> 00:49:37,654 Thinking back on what I said and what they said and what I said you said 675 00:49:37,820 --> 00:49:40,539 and what they may say I said you said 676 00:49:40,700 --> 00:49:44,170 or what they may have thought I said I thought you thought, 677 00:49:44,340 --> 00:49:47,730 they may say I said I thought you said you thought... 678 00:49:50,620 --> 00:49:53,088 Go on, Bernard. 679 00:49:53,260 --> 00:49:57,219 Well, I think I said you said you thought you were above the law. 680 00:49:58,420 --> 00:50:00,570 You said that?! 681 00:50:00,740 --> 00:50:06,178 Not intentionally. It's just the way it came out. They were asking me all these questions. 682 00:50:06,340 --> 00:50:09,810 What makes you think you have to answer them? 683 00:50:09,980 --> 00:50:13,609 - I don't know. - You've never answered my questions! 684 00:50:13,780 --> 00:50:16,772 - I know... - After a lifetime in the Civil Service, 685 00:50:16,940 --> 00:50:19,932 a career devoted to avoiding questions, 686 00:50:20,100 --> 00:50:23,570 you suddenly decide to answer them today and to the press?! 687 00:50:23,740 --> 00:50:25,856 You must have flipped your lid! 688 00:50:26,020 --> 00:50:31,413 Please don't shout at me! I assure you, I won't answer questions ever again! 689 00:50:32,540 --> 00:50:34,929 Get Humphrey and Bill in here. 690 00:50:37,060 --> 00:50:40,052 Send Sir Humphrey in and Bill Pritchard. 691 00:50:40,220 --> 00:50:45,613 If this question should ever arise again, this is how you deal with questions. 692 00:50:45,780 --> 00:50:48,248 If you have nothing to say, say nothing. 693 00:50:48,420 --> 00:50:52,413 Better still, have something to say and say it, no matter what they ask. 694 00:50:52,580 --> 00:50:56,289 Pay no attention to the question. Just make your own statement. 695 00:50:56,460 --> 00:51:00,248 If they ask the question again, you say, "That's not the question" 696 00:51:00,420 --> 00:51:06,017 or "I think the real question is..." and then you make another statement of your own. 697 00:51:07,500 --> 00:51:12,858 - How's that leak inquiry coming on? - The wheels will be turning very soon. 698 00:51:13,020 --> 00:51:17,013 I asked you a week ago! What's the matter with you two? 699 00:51:17,180 --> 00:51:20,172 I'm sorry, I had no idea you were serious. 700 00:51:23,340 --> 00:51:25,729 Leak inquiries are not usually pursued. 701 00:51:25,900 --> 00:51:29,495 I want this one pursued rigorously and immediately! 702 00:51:29,660 --> 00:51:32,049 - Rigorously? - And immediately. 703 00:51:32,220 --> 00:51:35,212 - Immediately? - Immediately. 704 00:51:35,380 --> 00:51:38,372 You mean you REALLY want it pursued? 705 00:51:38,540 --> 00:51:42,294 Watch the lips move, Humphrey. I want it pursued. Now. 706 00:51:42,460 --> 00:51:45,850 Very well, Prime Minister, if you're serious. 707 00:51:46,020 --> 00:51:50,332 I will arrange a genuine inquiry if that's what you really want. 708 00:51:50,500 --> 00:51:54,095 - I'll get Inspector Plod of the Special Branch. - Thank you. 709 00:51:54,260 --> 00:52:00,256 We must do something to improve my relations with the press, which deteriorated considerably 710 00:52:00,420 --> 00:52:06,370 when my private secretary told them I felt I was above the law when it came to official secrets. 711 00:52:06,540 --> 00:52:09,054 Yes, you may well hang your head. 712 00:52:11,180 --> 00:52:16,971 - What's the constitutional position, Humphrey? - Well, in a sense, Bernard was right. 713 00:52:17,140 --> 00:52:20,337 The question, in a nutshell, is what is the difference 714 00:52:20,500 --> 00:52:23,537 between a breach of the Official Secrets Act 715 00:52:23,700 --> 00:52:28,012 and an unattributable, off-the-record briefing by a senior official? 716 00:52:28,180 --> 00:52:34,176 The former - a breach - is a criminal offence. A briefing is essential to keep the wheels turning. 717 00:52:34,340 --> 00:52:38,333 Is there a difference or is it a matter of convenience and interpretation? 718 00:52:38,500 --> 00:52:43,813 Is it a breach of the act if there is an unofficial, non-attributable briefing 719 00:52:43,980 --> 00:52:47,768 by an official who's been unofficially authorised by the Prime Minister? 720 00:52:47,940 --> 00:52:51,853 - Not if it's been authorised by the PM, no. - That's what I say. 721 00:52:52,020 --> 00:52:57,811 I should decide if it's in the national interest for something to be disclosed, not officials. 722 00:52:57,980 --> 00:53:03,771 - Last week's leak must've come from an official. - But what if the official was officially authorised 723 00:53:03,940 --> 00:53:06,090 or even unofficially authorised? 724 00:53:06,260 --> 00:53:12,256 What if the PM officially disapproves of a breach of the act, but unofficially approves? 725 00:53:12,420 --> 00:53:17,016 Then a leak would be unofficially official, but officially unofficial. 726 00:53:17,180 --> 00:53:20,377 - Thank you. You've been a tremendous help. - Thank you. 727 00:53:20,540 --> 00:53:25,250 Now, we've got to do something to repair the damage you two have done to me. 728 00:53:25,420 --> 00:53:28,810 I'd better have lunch with another editor, a friendlier one. 729 00:53:28,980 --> 00:53:35,499 - None of them are friendly at the moment. - Couldn't we offer one of them a knighthood? 730 00:53:36,660 --> 00:53:43,259 That can work for or against you. Do you have any control over them once you've given it? 731 00:53:43,420 --> 00:53:45,490 Wouldn't they be pleased? 732 00:53:45,660 --> 00:53:50,131 Having got an honour, he may feel free to say what he likes. Nothing to lose. 733 00:53:50,300 --> 00:53:52,291 You don't get gratitude afterwards. 734 00:53:52,460 --> 00:53:56,578 Gratitude is merely a lively expectation of favours to come. 735 00:53:58,020 --> 00:54:02,411 May I suggest that instead of trying to butter up the press, we distract them? 736 00:54:02,580 --> 00:54:04,730 - Let's give them a story. - Such as? 737 00:54:04,900 --> 00:54:07,209 Start a war, that sort of thing. 738 00:54:08,220 --> 00:54:12,054 - Start a war?! - Only a small war. 739 00:54:13,420 --> 00:54:16,139 Um... if I might intervene. 740 00:54:16,300 --> 00:54:19,019 Even a small war would be overkill. 741 00:54:20,700 --> 00:54:25,057 Why don't you expel 76 Soviet diplomats? 742 00:54:25,220 --> 00:54:31,898 That's always been our practice when we wish to ensure the press lose interest in something. 743 00:54:32,060 --> 00:54:34,255 - I can't do that. - Great headline. 744 00:54:34,420 --> 00:54:37,412 "Government cracks down on red spy ring." Very patriotic. 745 00:54:37,580 --> 00:54:43,371 - It must be a story that nobody can disprove. - And which will be believed even if it's denied. 746 00:54:43,540 --> 00:54:48,091 "Soviet ambassador's chauffeur is Lieutenant General in KGB." 747 00:54:48,860 --> 00:54:52,330 I can't do that. I've been working at this detente for weeks. 748 00:54:52,500 --> 00:54:55,492 It's the only thing that IS working at the moment. 749 00:54:55,660 --> 00:55:00,051 What do you think, Bernard? You're good at getting things into the papers. 750 00:55:00,220 --> 00:55:02,654 - What about a royal event? - Such as? 751 00:55:02,820 --> 00:55:06,654 An engagement, a divorce, a pregnancy. 752 00:55:09,860 --> 00:55:12,249 You can arrange that? 753 00:55:17,580 --> 00:55:21,289 - Has he read the leak inquiry report? - Yes. How do we handle it? 754 00:55:21,460 --> 00:55:27,376 Very difficult. There is almost no precedent for handling a leak inquiry which finds the culprit. 755 00:55:27,540 --> 00:55:31,897 - Especially when it's a senior civil servant. - I think we can save him. 756 00:55:32,060 --> 00:55:35,450 How? He was at the meeting. He's owned up. 757 00:55:35,620 --> 00:55:39,818 - There can't be any doubt that he is the leaker. - There's going to be. 758 00:55:39,980 --> 00:55:42,130 (INTERCOM BUZZER) 759 00:55:44,700 --> 00:55:48,579 There, Humphrey, you see? Just as I suspected. 760 00:55:48,740 --> 00:55:52,938 I want that press officer at the Department of Energy prosecuted. 761 00:55:53,100 --> 00:55:56,775 - I think not... - You think not? Because he's a civil servant? 762 00:55:56,940 --> 00:55:59,852 No, because it is not in your interests. 763 00:56:00,020 --> 00:56:04,059 That somebody should be punished for undermining government? 764 00:56:04,220 --> 00:56:06,211 The Attorney General 765 00:56:06,380 --> 00:56:11,374 says that a prosecution would not succeed because there are no security implications. 766 00:56:11,540 --> 00:56:13,895 At least it'd make an example of him. 767 00:56:14,060 --> 00:56:19,259 He advises that if we prosecute, we must undertake a similar Special Branch inquiry 768 00:56:19,420 --> 00:56:23,254 into the earlier leak of chapter 5 - your success in Kumran. 769 00:56:23,420 --> 00:56:26,617 Ah... well... that was completely different. 770 00:56:26,780 --> 00:56:29,817 - May one ask why? - Well, it was harmless. 771 00:56:29,980 --> 00:56:34,132 The Attorney General says that either both leaks are harmless or neither. 772 00:56:34,300 --> 00:56:37,736 Shall I ask Special Branch to work on the chapter 5 leak? 773 00:56:37,900 --> 00:56:41,097 Drop the prosecution, but sack the press officer. 774 00:56:41,260 --> 00:56:46,414 That could be difficult. There is evidence he was not acting on his own initiative. 775 00:56:46,580 --> 00:56:49,572 - Meaning? - They were his Secretary of State's wishes. 776 00:56:49,740 --> 00:56:53,335 - What?! - The Secretary was not displeased 777 00:56:53,500 --> 00:56:57,618 at being described as the ablest minister and he told his press officer 778 00:56:57,780 --> 00:57:03,571 that far from wanting the chapter suppressed, he wouldn't mind seeing it in the press at once. 779 00:57:03,740 --> 00:57:07,528 With reference to the fact that it might not otherwise be read 780 00:57:07,700 --> 00:57:11,534 - because of an attempt by No.10 to censor it. - You sure of this? 781 00:57:11,700 --> 00:57:15,693 I am sure that's what the press officer's explanation will be 782 00:57:15,860 --> 00:57:20,331 when his case for wrongful dismissal comes up before the industrial tribunal. 783 00:57:20,500 --> 00:57:24,891 - Wrongful dismissal? - He'll argue he was following an implied order. 784 00:57:25,060 --> 00:57:29,531 - Carrying out his Secretary of State's wishes. - So I can't sack him. 785 00:57:29,700 --> 00:57:34,171 - Well, who can I sack? - Well, if you must sack somebody, 786 00:57:34,340 --> 00:57:38,970 the only candidate is the Energy Secretary who is responsible for his department. 787 00:57:39,140 --> 00:57:43,691 I can't do that. I lost one minister last week. I can't sack another this week. 788 00:57:43,860 --> 00:57:49,253 Quite, Prime Minister. To lose one Cabinet minister may be regarded as a misfortune. 789 00:57:49,420 --> 00:57:52,412 To lose both looks like carelessness. 790 00:57:55,860 --> 00:57:58,658 Thank you, Bernard. Furthermore, Prime Minister, 791 00:57:58,820 --> 00:58:05,134 as the Energy Secretary did not do the leaking, he might sue for wrongful dismissal as well. 792 00:58:05,300 --> 00:58:08,656 The press is clamouring for the result of this inquiry. 793 00:58:08,820 --> 00:58:12,893 Well, the press office... has drafted this statement. 794 00:58:15,700 --> 00:58:19,898 "Communications breakdown... misunderstanding... 795 00:58:20,060 --> 00:58:24,656 "...acted in good faith... will be dealt with by internal procedures." 796 00:58:24,820 --> 00:58:29,371 - This is a whitewash. - Not really. It shares out the blame equally. 797 00:58:29,540 --> 00:58:31,929 More of a grey wash. 798 00:58:33,020 --> 00:58:37,013 Still looks like I tried to suppress that chapter. What am I to do? 799 00:58:37,180 --> 00:58:41,810 Perhaps we should send the story out, but smother it. 800 00:58:42,820 --> 00:58:45,778 Smother it? You mean... 801 00:58:45,940 --> 00:58:49,979 Oh, Prime Minister, I've been meaning to tell you. 802 00:58:50,140 --> 00:58:55,134 There's some very worrying information on the Foreign Office files about espionage 803 00:58:55,300 --> 00:58:58,849 in the Soviet embassy and trade delegation. 804 00:58:59,020 --> 00:59:03,377 - No? - Evidence against a lot of diplomats. 805 00:59:04,100 --> 00:59:06,011 How many? 806 00:59:06,180 --> 00:59:08,171 (BOTH) 76. 807 00:59:09,740 --> 00:59:13,130 You know, I think the time has come to be firm. 808 00:59:13,300 --> 00:59:16,690 - Absolutely. - The defence of the realm is at stake. 809 00:59:16,860 --> 00:59:21,854 - Precisely. - Expel them. And I want the press told today. 810 00:59:22,020 --> 00:59:24,488 (BOTH) At the same time... 811 00:59:24,660 --> 00:59:26,651 Yes, Prime Minister. 812 01:00:50,939 --> 01:00:56,332 Humphrey, we've got to discuss this ceremony for the start of work on the Channel Tunnel. 813 01:00:56,499 --> 01:01:01,493 - The Foreign Office is stalling. - They say things still haven't been finalised. 814 01:01:01,659 --> 01:01:04,253 About time they were. Big occasion. 815 01:01:04,419 --> 01:01:11,018 The inauguration, the laying of the foundation stone by the Prime Minister, James Hacker. 816 01:01:11,179 --> 01:01:16,173 (LIKE CHURCHILL) This historic link between our two great sovereign democracies. 817 01:01:16,339 --> 01:01:19,968 - Great coverage. - F.O. Haven't agreed everything with the French. 818 01:01:20,139 --> 01:01:24,417 The only solution is for me to have a meeting with the French president 819 01:01:24,579 --> 01:01:26,615 and sort it out myself. 820 01:01:29,299 --> 01:01:34,009 I had no idea that you were considering such a stimulating approach. 821 01:01:34,179 --> 01:01:39,207 - Well, I am. - Are you capable of concluding this negotiation? 822 01:01:39,379 --> 01:01:44,169 - What are the outstanding points? - Mainly they're concerned with sovereignty. 823 01:01:44,339 --> 01:01:49,049 Where do you believe the frontier should be? The frontier between Britain and France. 824 01:01:49,219 --> 01:01:52,017 What's wrong with wherever it is now? 825 01:01:52,179 --> 01:01:56,013 The three-mile limit. Who would own the middle of the tunnel? 826 01:01:57,099 --> 01:02:01,058 The British position is that we should own half each. 827 01:02:01,219 --> 01:02:04,814 - That seems fair. - The French don't think it's fair. 828 01:02:04,979 --> 01:02:08,449 - They want the frontier to be at Dover. - Ridiculous. 829 01:02:08,619 --> 01:02:12,214 - Who would have sovereignty over the trains? - Um... 830 01:02:12,379 --> 01:02:17,453 If a crime was committed on a French train in the British sector, who'd have jurisdiction? 831 01:02:17,619 --> 01:02:21,453 The British. Well... No, the French. No, the British. 832 01:02:21,619 --> 01:02:25,851 And if a body was pushed out of a British train in the French sector? 833 01:02:26,019 --> 01:02:30,058 Well, the French. Um... no, the British. Um... 834 01:02:30,219 --> 01:02:34,929 If a British lorry was loaded onto a French train in the British sector? 835 01:02:35,099 --> 01:02:38,535 A British lorry, the British... or the French. 836 01:02:40,099 --> 01:02:44,809 Could jurisdiction be divided into two legs? Home and away? 837 01:02:45,459 --> 01:02:50,658 Yes, thank you, Bernard. Should we have a frontier post in the middle of the tunnel? 838 01:02:50,819 --> 01:02:54,573 - Well, yeah. Er, no. - Halfway across? 839 01:02:54,739 --> 01:03:00,336 Should we have customs and immigration clearance at one end or the other or both ends? 840 01:03:00,499 --> 01:03:04,538 With respect, these are points for the lawyers to discuss. 841 01:03:04,699 --> 01:03:09,056 Precisely, but I thought I heard you say you wanted to handle it yourself. 842 01:03:09,219 --> 01:03:13,610 I don't want to discuss points of abstruse international law. 843 01:03:13,779 --> 01:03:18,170 - I want to get the political points settled. - So sovereignty's not political? 844 01:03:18,339 --> 01:03:20,773 How interesting. 845 01:03:20,939 --> 01:03:25,296 The French want the signs to be in French first and English second. 846 01:03:25,459 --> 01:03:28,337 - No! - Then you can't have your ceremony. 847 01:03:28,499 --> 01:03:32,890 Well, French first at the French end and English first at the English end? 848 01:03:33,059 --> 01:03:36,131 - What about on the trains? - Oh, does it matter? 849 01:03:36,299 --> 01:03:41,009 - And the menus? French or English? - Couldn't they be changed halfway? 850 01:03:41,179 --> 01:03:43,773 No. The French are adamant. 851 01:03:43,939 --> 01:03:48,933 That is why the British and French Concorde are spelt the French way with an E. 852 01:03:49,099 --> 01:03:52,694 - Don't we ever get our way with the French? - Sometimes. 853 01:03:52,859 --> 01:03:57,057 - When was the last time? - Battle of Waterloo, 1815. 854 01:03:57,219 --> 01:04:01,371 - The French may raise the question of hijacking. - Hijacking? 855 01:04:01,539 --> 01:04:05,930 What if terrorists hijacked the train and threatened to blow up the tunnel? 856 01:04:06,099 --> 01:04:09,774 Give the French jurisdiction over the lot, then it's their problem. 857 01:04:09,939 --> 01:04:15,491 If you'd handled the negotiations, you'd have just handed everything over to the French. 858 01:04:15,659 --> 01:04:22,132 I personally believe the French will come up with a totally underhand ploy to gain the advantage. 859 01:04:22,299 --> 01:04:25,052 But no doubt you've anticipated that. 860 01:04:25,219 --> 01:04:29,371 I don't think it's necessary for me to conduct these negotiations. 861 01:04:29,539 --> 01:04:34,249 If humiliating concessions have to be made, let the Foreign Secretary make them. 862 01:04:34,419 --> 01:04:37,616 - Very wise. - Let's have a glass of sherry, Bernard. 863 01:04:37,779 --> 01:04:41,977 May we discuss the vexed question of your predecessor's memoirs? 864 01:04:42,139 --> 01:04:44,528 - What now? - The final chapter 865 01:04:44,699 --> 01:04:48,487 concerns his resignation and your accession to the premiership. 866 01:04:48,659 --> 01:04:52,971 - He wants access to certain papers. - Can't we stop these bloody memoirs? 867 01:04:53,139 --> 01:04:57,894 - Memoirs, alas, are an occupational hazard. - It's the betrayal that upsets me. 868 01:04:58,059 --> 01:05:01,768 Until I'd read the first seven chapters, I thought he was a friend. 869 01:05:01,939 --> 01:05:04,737 - He says some shocking things. - Such as? 870 01:05:04,899 --> 01:05:08,687 - He calls me two-faced. - That was very wrong. 871 01:05:10,099 --> 01:05:13,091 - You admit he was wrong? - Yes, indeed. Cheers. 872 01:05:13,259 --> 01:05:16,376 - Unforgivably indiscreet. - Have you seen it? 873 01:05:17,259 --> 01:05:20,808 - Oh, and wrong. - How can he tell such lies about me? 874 01:05:20,979 --> 01:05:24,733 - What lies? Oh, yes, I see. - What's in it for him? 875 01:05:24,899 --> 01:05:27,459 - Bestseller? - No, it's not that. 876 01:05:27,619 --> 01:05:31,089 He lies because it's in his nature. 877 01:05:31,259 --> 01:05:35,252 He's treacherous, malevolent... and vile. 878 01:05:35,419 --> 01:05:40,129 If he thinks he'll get any more honours or quangos, he's got another think coming! 879 01:05:40,299 --> 01:05:43,496 - (PHONE) - He's not getting one ounce more recognition! 880 01:05:44,459 --> 01:05:47,053 Yes. Look, is this important? Because... 881 01:05:47,219 --> 01:05:49,016 Oh. 882 01:05:49,179 --> 01:05:51,898 No? Oh. 883 01:05:53,499 --> 01:05:56,809 He was dead on arrival? I see. Thanks. 884 01:05:58,659 --> 01:06:02,208 - Bad news, Bernard? - Yes... and no. 885 01:06:02,379 --> 01:06:06,088 Your predecessor, the previous Prime Minster of Great Britain, 886 01:06:06,259 --> 01:06:08,648 has just died of a heart attack. 887 01:06:18,659 --> 01:06:21,014 - Tragic. - Tragic. 888 01:06:21,739 --> 01:06:23,934 - He was a great man. - Great man. 889 01:06:24,099 --> 01:06:26,613 - He'll be sorely missed. - Sorely missed. 890 01:06:26,779 --> 01:06:29,930 - So will his memoirs. - Which will never be finished. 891 01:06:30,099 --> 01:06:32,488 - Alas. - Alas. 892 01:06:34,699 --> 01:06:39,693 Apparently, just before the end, he expressed a hope that he might have a state funeral. 893 01:06:39,859 --> 01:06:45,058 - But in view of your wish to pay him no... - No, you must have misunderstood me. 894 01:06:45,219 --> 01:06:50,498 - Many people will want to attend his funeral. - To pay tribute to a great Prime Minister? 895 01:06:50,659 --> 01:06:52,377 Yeah... 896 01:06:52,539 --> 01:06:54,928 ...and to make sure he's dead. 897 01:06:57,139 --> 01:07:01,735 Seven Commonwealth Prime Ministers, the American Vice President, 898 01:07:01,899 --> 01:07:04,094 six European Prime Ministers. 899 01:07:04,259 --> 01:07:06,819 - Pretty good. - Very good, Prime Minister. 900 01:07:06,979 --> 01:07:10,176 - I am the host. - Yes, indeed. 901 01:07:10,339 --> 01:07:13,968 Amongst all the world's leaders, centre of the world stage. 902 01:07:14,139 --> 01:07:18,291 - Bearing your grief with dignity and fortitude. - Quite. 903 01:07:19,619 --> 01:07:22,929 Dignified grief goes down very well with the voters, 904 01:07:23,099 --> 01:07:26,091 especially when it's shared by world statesmen. 905 01:07:26,259 --> 01:07:28,648 It's a wonderful thing, death. 906 01:07:29,899 --> 01:07:34,495 So uncontroversial. What's this query against the French Prime Minister? 907 01:07:34,659 --> 01:07:37,412 The French ambassador's coming to see you. 908 01:07:37,579 --> 01:07:40,047 Plenty of room for TV cameras. 909 01:07:40,219 --> 01:07:43,894 Outside No.10, outside the abbey, inside the abbey. 910 01:07:44,059 --> 01:07:46,414 One pointing directly at my pew. 911 01:07:46,579 --> 01:07:51,369 Um... wouldn't that mean putting the cameraman in the pulpit? 912 01:07:53,499 --> 01:07:55,649 Will that be all right? 913 01:07:57,699 --> 01:08:01,248 It won't leave a lot of room for the Archbishop. 914 01:08:02,339 --> 01:08:05,251 Well... So where will he preach from? 915 01:08:08,859 --> 01:08:12,454 - He'll need to be in the pulpit. - Where will my camera be? 916 01:08:13,459 --> 01:08:18,692 There's always the high altar, but I think the Archbishop may need that as well. 917 01:08:18,859 --> 01:08:21,089 Who does he think he is? 918 01:08:22,019 --> 01:08:26,570 He thinks it's a religious ceremony. Nobody's told him it's a party political. 919 01:08:27,579 --> 01:08:31,572 - The French ambassador here, is he? - Yes, but could I have a word first? 920 01:08:31,739 --> 01:08:34,936 The French PM isn't coming. The President's coming instead. 921 01:08:35,099 --> 01:08:38,091 - President? Marvellous! - No, it's terrible! 922 01:08:38,259 --> 01:08:42,650 When the Queen visited France, she presented him with a Labrador puppy. 923 01:08:42,819 --> 01:08:45,811 - Now he's bringing her one of its puppies. - No! 924 01:08:45,979 --> 01:08:48,095 - Afraid so. - I knew it! 925 01:08:48,259 --> 01:08:52,650 - It seems to be rather a nice gesture. - It's a gesture, but hardly a nice one. 926 01:08:52,819 --> 01:08:55,014 - Why not? - She'll have to refuse it. 927 01:08:55,179 --> 01:08:57,374 - Why? - Quarantine! 928 01:08:57,539 --> 01:09:01,817 You can't import dogs! It'll have to spend six months in quarantine. 929 01:09:01,979 --> 01:09:04,777 The French will understand, won't they? 930 01:09:04,939 --> 01:09:09,410 They'll understand it privately, but they'll refuse to understand it officially. 931 01:09:09,579 --> 01:09:12,457 The Foreign Office must sort it out. Get Peter. 932 01:09:12,619 --> 01:09:18,649 Humphrey, they're creating a diplomatic incident so they can get their own way over the tunnel. 933 01:09:19,739 --> 01:09:22,731 Of course, Prime Minister! 934 01:09:23,899 --> 01:09:26,094 - Peter, you've heard the news? - Yes. 935 01:09:26,259 --> 01:09:28,489 - What are we going to do? - I don't know. 936 01:09:28,659 --> 01:09:30,889 You're my Foreign Affairs Secretary. 937 01:09:31,059 --> 01:09:34,415 Yes, but the Home Office is responsible for quarantine. 938 01:09:34,579 --> 01:09:37,810 Get Graham. Can't you get them to withdraw this gift? 939 01:09:37,979 --> 01:09:43,292 We've suggested a painting of the puppy, a bronze, a porcelain model. Not a hope. 940 01:09:43,459 --> 01:09:46,451 - Couldn't you get them to stuff it? - Well... 941 01:09:46,619 --> 01:09:49,087 Oh, taxidermy. No, no chance. 942 01:09:49,259 --> 01:09:53,457 Tell the Home Office they must find a way round quarantine regulations. 943 01:09:53,619 --> 01:09:56,531 - Out of the question. - What do you mean? 944 01:09:56,699 --> 01:10:01,489 We enforce them vigorously with all British citizens and foreign nationals. 945 01:10:01,659 --> 01:10:05,254 Also the Quarantine Act is signed by the Queen. 946 01:10:05,419 --> 01:10:09,128 She can't be the only one to break her own laws. Out of the question. 947 01:10:10,099 --> 01:10:14,217 - The French ambassador's here. - Ask him to wait for a moment. 948 01:10:14,379 --> 01:10:18,577 Get back to the Foreign Office. Say we've got to find a way round this. 949 01:10:18,739 --> 01:10:24,848 Keep in touch with Bernard. Bernard, liaise with the palace. Humphrey, coordinate it all. 950 01:10:25,019 --> 01:10:28,534 - I'll set up an operations room. - Anything else we ought to do? 951 01:10:28,699 --> 01:10:34,296 - I think you should see the ambassador now. - OK, wheel him in. Don't you go, Humphrey! 952 01:10:34,459 --> 01:10:38,771 - Do I need any papers? - No, just a sponge and a towel. 953 01:10:38,939 --> 01:10:42,648 - His Excellency, the French ambassador. - Excellency. 954 01:10:42,819 --> 01:10:46,607 - You're most kind to give me your time. - Enchanté. 955 01:10:48,899 --> 01:10:52,608 You're anxious to finalise the agreement for the tunnel? 956 01:10:52,779 --> 01:10:55,339 Very much so. In fact... 957 01:10:55,499 --> 01:10:59,208 - There's no real hurry. It would be nice if... - Quite. 958 01:10:59,379 --> 01:11:03,167 My government feels that if we took advantage of the funeral... 959 01:11:03,339 --> 01:11:08,049 - My condolences, by the way. A tragic loss. - Oh, tragic, tragic. 960 01:11:09,059 --> 01:11:13,337 If we took advantage of the funeral for you and our President to speak... 961 01:11:13,499 --> 01:11:19,256 Of course, I will be host to a large number of distinguished people. It may not be easy. 962 01:11:19,419 --> 01:11:22,172 You do not wish to speak to our President? 963 01:11:22,339 --> 01:11:27,174 Oh, yes, yes, yes, of course. Well, yes... and no. 964 01:11:27,339 --> 01:11:30,058 Speak, yes, of course, but negotiate... 965 01:11:30,219 --> 01:11:36,533 Don't you think these quarrels between friends are best resolved by just talking together? 966 01:11:36,699 --> 01:11:39,259 Between friends, yes. 967 01:11:39,419 --> 01:11:44,174 Otherwise the President may be hurt. Not personally, but as a snub to France. 968 01:11:44,339 --> 01:11:46,614 No intention. Great friends. 969 01:11:46,779 --> 01:11:51,807 Excellent. The second point is the security of our embassy during the visit. 970 01:11:51,979 --> 01:11:54,209 Yes, everything's in hand. 971 01:11:54,379 --> 01:11:58,975 My government requests that the French police be permitted to guard the embassy. 972 01:11:59,139 --> 01:12:03,178 - French police? No, that's not possible. - It is surely not impossible? 973 01:12:03,339 --> 01:12:08,333 - Don't you trust the British police? - We make no comment on the British police. 974 01:12:08,499 --> 01:12:13,368 But our President would be happier if the French police were in charge. 975 01:12:13,539 --> 01:12:18,897 The problem, Excellency, is that there are well over a hundred embassies in London. 976 01:12:19,059 --> 01:12:23,849 No doubt they'd all want their own police. Most of them would carry machine guns. 977 01:12:24,019 --> 01:12:27,409 Her Majesty's government is not... totally convinced 978 01:12:27,579 --> 01:12:30,571 that that would make London a safer place. 979 01:12:31,379 --> 01:12:34,416 My government will be most disappointed. 980 01:12:35,419 --> 01:12:38,217 But now I can turn to a happy matter. 981 01:12:38,379 --> 01:12:44,249 Our President will be bringing a little present which he will be presenting to Her Majesty. 982 01:12:44,419 --> 01:12:49,732 - How charming. - A little puppy. Her name is Cocotte. 983 01:12:50,739 --> 01:12:52,536 Cocotte. 984 01:12:53,779 --> 01:12:59,376 She comes from the litter of the same Labrador that Her Majesty presented to the President 985 01:12:59,539 --> 01:13:03,054 on her last state visit to France. 986 01:13:04,059 --> 01:13:07,096 Let him know the arrangements for the presentation. 987 01:13:07,259 --> 01:13:12,697 Oh, delightful thought. The presentation won't be possible for another six months. 988 01:13:12,859 --> 01:13:15,657 - Our quarantine laws. - Absurd. 989 01:13:15,819 --> 01:13:20,609 Your Queen gave her dog during her visit. Why can our President not do the same? 990 01:13:20,779 --> 01:13:24,533 Delightful thought, nothing we'd rather... but the law is the law. 991 01:13:24,699 --> 01:13:30,331 - Surely it exists to exclude infected animals? - Er... yes. 992 01:13:30,499 --> 01:13:35,493 Do you suggest the President of France would present the Queen of England 993 01:13:35,659 --> 01:13:37,854 with a diseased puppy? 994 01:13:38,859 --> 01:13:41,453 - No, no, no... - Then it is settled. 995 01:13:41,619 --> 01:13:45,976 No, it is not. Suggest to your President that he brings a different gift. 996 01:13:46,139 --> 01:13:49,575 Out of the question. Were it the President alone, perhaps. 997 01:13:49,739 --> 01:13:55,177 The President's wife, our first lady, has set her heart on it. She is determined. 998 01:13:55,339 --> 01:13:58,536 We'll make every effort, but it may not be possible. 999 01:13:58,699 --> 01:14:03,489 I cannot tell you the gravity of the affront my government would feel 1000 01:14:03,659 --> 01:14:09,450 if Her Majesty were to refuse a gift in exchange for the one our President accepted from her. 1001 01:14:09,619 --> 01:14:14,613 I fear it would be interpreted as both a national and a personal affront 1002 01:14:14,779 --> 01:14:16,770 to the President and his wife. 1003 01:14:17,579 --> 01:14:22,972 Excellency, you must ask the President not to bring that bitch with him. 1004 01:14:25,139 --> 01:14:27,937 No, no, the puppy. 1005 01:14:28,099 --> 01:14:30,090 I meant the puppy. 1006 01:14:32,819 --> 01:14:34,810 We have to lay on visits for the wives. 1007 01:14:34,979 --> 01:14:38,176 The Foreign Office like it. Keeps them out of the way. 1008 01:14:38,339 --> 01:14:41,331 - Why can't they be with their husbands? - They're busy. 1009 01:14:41,499 --> 01:14:44,969 - Only at the funeral. - They're not coming for the funeral. 1010 01:14:45,139 --> 01:14:49,291 They're coming here for the politics. This is a working funeral. 1011 01:14:49,459 --> 01:14:54,408 At that funeral in Norway, we were all so busy, the French, Germans and I, 1012 01:14:54,579 --> 01:14:57,730 talking about quotas, we forgot to go to the cathedral. 1013 01:14:57,899 --> 01:15:02,290 - Did they notice? - They noticed, all right. We got there late. 1014 01:15:02,459 --> 01:15:06,452 Blamed security. You can blame security for anything nowadays. 1015 01:15:06,619 --> 01:15:11,329 - So this funeral will be a sort of summit. - Yes. It's a heaven-sent opportunity. 1016 01:15:11,499 --> 01:15:14,297 - Literally. - Yes. 1017 01:15:14,459 --> 01:15:17,769 Better than a summit because there are no expectations. 1018 01:15:17,939 --> 01:15:22,933 People don't expect leaders to come back with test-ban agreements or quota reductions, 1019 01:15:23,099 --> 01:15:26,296 so we can have some meaningful discussions. 1020 01:15:26,459 --> 01:15:31,931 - A summit is just a public-relations circus. - Isn't anyone coming to pay tribute to a friend? 1021 01:15:32,099 --> 01:15:37,093 A friend? If only his friends came to the abbey, we wouldn't even fill the vestry. 1022 01:15:38,619 --> 01:15:43,409 He's done much more for the world by dying than he ever did in the whole of his life. 1023 01:15:43,579 --> 01:15:45,570 Have you agreed the service? 1024 01:15:45,739 --> 01:15:47,934 - Yeah, lots of music. - That's nice. 1025 01:15:48,099 --> 01:15:52,490 Mm, you can have useful discussions when the organ's playing. 1026 01:15:52,659 --> 01:15:56,288 - Have to shut up for the lesson. - What about the sermon? 1027 01:15:56,459 --> 01:15:59,212 That's when you catch up on jet lag. 1028 01:16:00,699 --> 01:16:03,418 This funeral's come at the right moment. 1029 01:16:03,579 --> 01:16:07,891 We've all sorts to discuss - about NATO, the Warsaw Pact, the Middle East. 1030 01:16:08,059 --> 01:16:10,493 And what if you don't sort it all out? 1031 01:16:10,659 --> 01:16:15,653 We'll just have to hope that before too long somebody else important snuffs it. 1032 01:16:16,739 --> 01:16:18,730 I've spoken to the Home Office. 1033 01:16:18,899 --> 01:16:23,689 They say there's no grounds to pass an act to allow this dog into Britain. 1034 01:16:23,859 --> 01:16:26,453 I know an enabling act can enable anything, 1035 01:16:26,619 --> 01:16:30,737 but the PM feels it would merely enable him to lose the next election. 1036 01:16:30,899 --> 01:16:37,338 Have you thought of turning Buckingham Palace into a quarantine zone for dogs? Just a thought. 1037 01:16:37,499 --> 01:16:39,649 - What about the corgis? - (PHONE) 1038 01:16:39,819 --> 01:16:44,813 Hang on. Graham, check with the palace that Her Majesty's not been told officially 1039 01:16:44,979 --> 01:16:48,972 that this gift's been proposed, then she can't be implicated in refusing it. 1040 01:16:49,139 --> 01:16:51,858 Yes, we will want simultaneous translators. 1041 01:16:52,019 --> 01:16:57,013 Er, no, not when the PM meets the leaders of English-speaking nations. 1042 01:16:57,179 --> 01:17:00,967 - (PHONE) - Yes, they can be said to include the US... 1043 01:17:02,179 --> 01:17:05,171 ...with a certain generosity of spirit. Got to go. 1044 01:17:05,339 --> 01:17:09,730 Yes, 10 Prime Ministers are flying in today. Special Branch are going crazy. 1045 01:17:09,899 --> 01:17:13,892 So is the Royal Marines band who play all the national anthems. 1046 01:17:14,059 --> 01:17:18,575 - I see. Argentina's not coming. A bit of luck. - Because of the Falklands? 1047 01:17:18,739 --> 01:17:22,732 No, because their anthem goes on for about six minutes. 1048 01:17:22,899 --> 01:17:25,891 I know you're worried about this dog. So am I. 1049 01:17:26,059 --> 01:17:31,179 Talk to our ambassador in Paris. See if he can think of a way to nobble it. 1050 01:17:31,339 --> 01:17:34,331 You know, slip it something. 1051 01:17:34,499 --> 01:17:38,651 See if the Bulgarians have got any spare umbrella tips. 1052 01:17:38,819 --> 01:17:45,258 If we made the palace an extension of the French embassy, the dog would be on foreign territory. 1053 01:17:45,419 --> 01:17:48,411 The PM is fighting for the sovereignty of the tunnel. 1054 01:17:48,579 --> 01:17:51,616 - (PHONE) - How would he feel about palace sovereignty? 1055 01:17:51,779 --> 01:17:57,490 How do you think the sovereign would feel? No, we can't have alphabetical seating in the abbey. 1056 01:17:57,659 --> 01:18:00,696 You'd have Iraq and Iran next to each other. 1057 01:18:02,499 --> 01:18:06,333 Plus Israel and Jordan all sitting in the same pew. 1058 01:18:06,499 --> 01:18:09,696 We'd be in danger of starting World War III. 1059 01:18:09,859 --> 01:18:14,057 I know Ireland begins with an I, but it doesn't make it any better. 1060 01:18:14,219 --> 01:18:17,211 Ireland doesn't make anything any better. 1061 01:18:17,379 --> 01:18:23,170 If the papal envoy says, "We desire to wash our hands", it means he wants a pee. 1062 01:18:23,339 --> 01:18:27,173 Yes, a royal "we", followed by a royal flush. 1063 01:18:28,139 --> 01:18:30,334 Watch out for the South Africans. 1064 01:18:30,499 --> 01:18:34,811 - Problems with human rights? - No, they're trying to unload grapefruit. 1065 01:18:34,979 --> 01:18:38,767 The palace wants to know if there's a problem about the red carpets. 1066 01:18:38,939 --> 01:18:43,615 The Ivory Coast wishes to award Her Majesty with the Order of the Elephant. 1067 01:18:43,779 --> 01:18:47,772 Hang on. We can't have another animal, especially an elephant. 1068 01:18:47,939 --> 01:18:51,409 Whitehall, the Home Office, Foreign Office, the DHSS, 1069 01:18:51,579 --> 01:18:56,095 have been tied up with one puppy for nearly a week! No elephants! 1070 01:18:56,259 --> 01:19:01,094 The mode of address to a Cypriot archbishop is not Your Ecstasy, it's Your Beatitude. 1071 01:19:01,259 --> 01:19:04,649 - (BUZZER) - For God's sake, what is it... 1072 01:19:04,819 --> 01:19:07,970 Oh, sorry, Prime Minister. I'll come in straight away. 1073 01:19:14,899 --> 01:19:18,448 - What on earth is that? - The Channel Tunnel file. 1074 01:19:18,619 --> 01:19:21,816 - No, no, the other one. - That's the puppy file. 1075 01:19:24,179 --> 01:19:28,570 - Where have we got to? - It weighed in at three and a half pounds. 1076 01:19:28,739 --> 01:19:31,094 - The puppy? - No, the file. 1077 01:19:31,259 --> 01:19:33,978 - What's happening? - We've told the French 1078 01:19:34,139 --> 01:19:38,257 that airport security will have to keep the puppy in quarantine. 1079 01:19:38,419 --> 01:19:40,410 - What do they say? - No reply yet. 1080 01:19:40,579 --> 01:19:44,811 It is on the route from the palace to Windsor, so the Queen could visit it. 1081 01:19:44,979 --> 01:19:50,576 - Can you visit quarantined dogs? - Well, if she can't, she can sort of wave to it. 1082 01:19:52,539 --> 01:19:56,134 - What do you think they'll do? - Threaten to publish the story 1083 01:19:56,299 --> 01:19:58,335 if we don't give in on the tunnel. 1084 01:19:58,499 --> 01:20:02,094 - I have urgent news. - I hope it's good news. 1085 01:20:02,259 --> 01:20:05,854 Yes and no. The police found a bomb in the French embassy grounds. 1086 01:20:06,499 --> 01:20:10,697 - What?! Who put it there? - We don't know yet. 1087 01:20:10,859 --> 01:20:14,568 - Lots of people could have a motive. - Me, for a start. 1088 01:20:15,819 --> 01:20:18,617 It's a good thing we found it... I suppose. 1089 01:20:18,779 --> 01:20:23,091 The other news is worse. The President is not flying in for the funeral. 1090 01:20:23,259 --> 01:20:27,457 - That's marvellous! - He's not flying, he's driving! Secretly! 1091 01:20:27,619 --> 01:20:31,328 - The plane is just going to be a decoy. - Good idea. 1092 01:20:31,499 --> 01:20:34,889 - A brilliant idea! He can bring the puppy! - No! 1093 01:20:35,059 --> 01:20:39,655 Are you prepared to give permission for his car to be stopped and searched? 1094 01:20:39,819 --> 01:20:44,097 Will you violate their diplomatic immunity and search the diplomatic bag? 1095 01:20:44,259 --> 01:20:48,730 - Even they wouldn't put a puppy in a bag. - It'd be a doggy bag. 1096 01:20:51,739 --> 01:20:54,731 If we found it, that'd put the cat among the pigeons. 1097 01:20:54,899 --> 01:20:57,618 Let the dog out of the bag. 1098 01:20:57,779 --> 01:21:02,648 - But just suppose it wasn't there? - Yeah. I can't take the risk. 1099 01:21:02,819 --> 01:21:06,209 If it was there, they'll drive into the French embassy 1100 01:21:06,379 --> 01:21:11,169 and that puppy will be on French territory here, right in the middle of London! 1101 01:21:11,339 --> 01:21:15,332 - Hanging over our heads. - Better pray it's house-trained. 1102 01:21:25,939 --> 01:21:29,727 I'm so sorry, would you excuse the Prime Minister? 1103 01:21:30,859 --> 01:21:35,057 We have a problem. Have you spoken to the French President yet? 1104 01:21:35,219 --> 01:21:38,291 - A couple of well-chosen words. - What, precisely? 1105 01:21:38,459 --> 01:21:40,450 Bonsoir, actually. 1106 01:21:41,379 --> 01:21:45,577 You can't put it off. It'll be one more thing for him to take offence at. 1107 01:21:45,739 --> 01:21:47,730 He can't be that easily offended, can he? 1108 01:21:47,899 --> 01:21:51,687 No, but in exchange for dropping this dog nonsense, 1109 01:21:51,859 --> 01:21:55,408 they want sovereignty over the tunnel from the three-mile limit. 1110 01:21:55,579 --> 01:21:57,809 - Absurd. - That's the negotiating position. 1111 01:21:57,979 --> 01:22:01,972 They'll concede to a 50-50 split midway across the Channel 1112 01:22:02,139 --> 01:22:07,930 if we agree to French as the first language on all signs, information, menus, everything. 1113 01:22:08,099 --> 01:22:11,091 - French comes before English. - Must I concede? 1114 01:22:11,259 --> 01:22:15,457 - If you want your foundation-stone ceremony. - All right. Where is he? 1115 01:22:15,619 --> 01:22:19,817 Mrs Hacker, have you met Monsieur Berenger from UNESCO? 1116 01:22:19,979 --> 01:22:23,289 Such a good funeral. Much better than Andropov's. 1117 01:22:23,459 --> 01:22:26,849 - That was gloomy. - So glad you're enjoying it. 1118 01:22:27,019 --> 01:22:31,012 - Prime Minister, got a minute? - The American Vice President. 1119 01:22:31,179 --> 01:22:35,377 I was talking to the Soviets. Gromyko's got a great Polish joke. 1120 01:22:35,539 --> 01:22:38,770 - What is it? - Jaruzelski! (LAUGHS LOUDLY) 1121 01:22:42,059 --> 01:22:46,849 Commissioner... can I introduce you to Monsieur Berenger from UNESCO? 1122 01:22:47,019 --> 01:22:50,614 UNESCO? Ah, yes. Gallant little country. 1123 01:22:52,619 --> 01:22:56,692 - Ah, Sir Humphrey! - You remember the Soviet ambassador. 1124 01:22:56,859 --> 01:23:02,013 You know, the death of the past Prime Minister is a very sad occasion. 1125 01:23:02,179 --> 01:23:06,775 - Oh, yes, yes, very sad... - But it is no loss for Britain. 1126 01:23:08,219 --> 01:23:11,529 - You know what his trouble was? - Hm? 1127 01:23:11,699 --> 01:23:15,169 He had plenty here, plenty here... 1128 01:23:15,339 --> 01:23:17,375 ...but nothing here! - Ahh! 1129 01:23:19,619 --> 01:23:21,052 Yes, Bernard? 1130 01:23:21,219 --> 01:23:24,211 Forgive me, I must talk to our French friends. 1131 01:23:24,379 --> 01:23:27,815 I did want to talk to you about the NATO bases in Germany. 1132 01:23:27,979 --> 01:23:31,574 - Tomorrow, Westminster Abbey. - You got a deal. 1133 01:23:31,739 --> 01:23:35,857 - You need to see this security file. - I'm about to talk to the President. 1134 01:23:36,019 --> 01:23:38,010 You should see this file first. 1135 01:23:38,179 --> 01:23:41,854 That bomb in the French embassy was planted by the French police. 1136 01:23:42,019 --> 01:23:44,817 You're not serious? Why? 1137 01:23:44,979 --> 01:23:50,576 - To catch us out, prove our security inefficient. - Smuggling explosives into the UK? 1138 01:23:50,739 --> 01:23:52,730 - Correct. - Got proof? 1139 01:23:52,899 --> 01:23:57,211 - We found a detonator in their hotel. - This is wonderful! 1140 01:23:57,379 --> 01:24:03,090 Give me two minutes alone with the President. When I give you a signal, bring that file in. 1141 01:24:03,259 --> 01:24:05,409 What will the signal be? 1142 01:24:05,579 --> 01:24:07,058 Um... 1143 01:24:11,659 --> 01:24:15,254 I'm so sorry, Monsieur le President. I'm sure he's just coming. 1144 01:24:15,419 --> 01:24:18,729 Monsieur le President... the tunnel. 1145 01:24:18,899 --> 01:24:24,610 Indeed, but first of all, can we clear up this misunderstanding about the puppy 1146 01:24:24,779 --> 01:24:27,532 which I am presenting to Her Majesty tomorrow? 1147 01:24:27,699 --> 01:24:31,248 I'm very sorry, but I can't ask her to break the law. 1148 01:24:31,419 --> 01:24:36,732 I do not want the Queen to break the law. I merely ask the Prime Minister to bend it. 1149 01:24:36,899 --> 01:24:40,494 I'm deeply sorry. If I possibly could. 1150 01:24:40,659 --> 01:24:45,653 If the French people learn of this rejection, a national slap in the face... 1151 01:24:46,659 --> 01:24:50,493 - The tunnel. - The tunnel? You make it difficult for me. 1152 01:24:50,659 --> 01:24:54,129 The French will not accept a second slap in the face 1153 01:24:54,299 --> 01:25:00,295 and you are rejecting our very reasonable proposal for French sovereignty as far as Dover. 1154 01:25:00,459 --> 01:25:03,019 However, setting that to one side, 1155 01:25:03,179 --> 01:25:08,207 there is the question of which shall be la langue de préférence, the first language. 1156 01:25:08,379 --> 01:25:12,975 Sir Humphrey, I have just seen this order of service for tomorrow. 1157 01:25:13,139 --> 01:25:15,892 It is deeply embarrassing. This hymn. 1158 01:25:16,899 --> 01:25:21,450 "On Jordan's Bank, The Baptist's Cry"? Why? 1159 01:25:21,619 --> 01:25:25,817 Don't you know the Jordan Bank went bust yesterday? 1160 01:25:27,019 --> 01:25:32,173 Surely, if we have half the signs in French first and half the signs in English... 1161 01:25:33,179 --> 01:25:36,171 ...that's fair? - It's not logical. 1162 01:25:37,179 --> 01:25:41,457 - Does logic matter? - Does law matter? 1163 01:25:41,619 --> 01:25:46,215 Yes. Britain is the only country in Europe still... free of rabies. 1164 01:25:47,819 --> 01:25:50,697 Bernard will handle this for you. Bernard... 1165 01:25:52,499 --> 01:25:58,335 Monsieur le President, will you forgive me? Prime Minister, I think you ought to see this. 1166 01:25:59,659 --> 01:26:02,253 No, I don't believe it! 1167 01:26:03,499 --> 01:26:07,208 Mr President, I shall have to ask you to explain this. 1168 01:26:09,619 --> 01:26:14,090 I need hardly say how grave this matter is. 1169 01:26:14,259 --> 01:26:18,298 Prime Minister, I ask you to believe I had no knowledge of this. 1170 01:26:18,459 --> 01:26:21,895 An attempt by a guest to deceive our government? 1171 01:26:22,059 --> 01:26:24,414 Smuggling explosives into the UK? 1172 01:26:24,579 --> 01:26:30,848 You must know that the French government never knows what French security are doing. 1173 01:26:31,859 --> 01:26:36,011 - You can't take responsibility for them? - That's not what I mean. 1174 01:26:36,179 --> 01:26:39,376 If this report is true, accept my profound regrets. 1175 01:26:39,539 --> 01:26:43,737 - It's true enough, I'm afraid. - Thank you, Prime Minister. 1176 01:26:43,899 --> 01:26:48,370 It makes it so difficult for the Prime Minister... over the Channel Tunnel. 1177 01:26:48,539 --> 01:26:52,532 After news of this bomb, the British will want to make few concessions. 1178 01:26:52,699 --> 01:26:55,896 They won't know whether it's safe to... go through. 1179 01:26:56,059 --> 01:26:59,495 - It could be full of official French bombs. - Absolument. 1180 01:27:00,539 --> 01:27:03,929 Of course, in the interests of Anglo-French friendship, 1181 01:27:04,099 --> 01:27:07,489 we could overlook the crimes of your security men. 1182 01:27:07,659 --> 01:27:12,050 I suppose... sovereignty halfway across? 1183 01:27:12,219 --> 01:27:15,017 I'll just write that down, if I may. 1184 01:27:15,859 --> 01:27:20,410 Half the signs in English first and the ceremony in two months... in Dover. 1185 01:27:21,299 --> 01:27:27,090 As an expression of the enduring warmth and trust between our two countries. 1186 01:27:27,899 --> 01:27:30,697 Let us have a draft communiqué tomorrow. 1187 01:27:30,859 --> 01:27:33,009 Mais oui, Prime Minister. 1188 01:29:01,259 --> 01:29:03,454 Good morning, Prime Minister. 1189 01:29:04,699 --> 01:29:07,293 - Good morning, Prime Minister. - Mm. 1190 01:29:07,459 --> 01:29:09,450 Is it the newspapers? 1191 01:29:10,499 --> 01:29:16,210 Yes. They all say that since my administration came into office, nothing has changed. 1192 01:29:16,419 --> 01:29:18,614 You must be very proud. 1193 01:29:19,819 --> 01:29:22,128 That's not meant as a compliment. 1194 01:29:22,299 --> 01:29:27,931 I read all ten of this morning's London papers. Not a good word about me in nine of them. 1195 01:29:28,099 --> 01:29:32,570 - But the tenth is better? - Worse. It doesn't mention me at all. 1196 01:29:32,739 --> 01:29:37,017 - What have they got against you? - They all say the same thing. 1197 01:29:37,179 --> 01:29:39,170 That I'm a windbag. 1198 01:29:39,339 --> 01:29:41,899 - Good heavens! - Yeah. 1199 01:29:42,059 --> 01:29:45,654 Extraordinary. They say that my administration's all rhetoric. 1200 01:29:45,819 --> 01:29:50,210 That I talk and talk, but nothing ever gets done. It simply isn't true. 1201 01:29:50,379 --> 01:29:53,974 There are reforms in the pipeline, a change of direction. 1202 01:29:54,139 --> 01:29:57,973 New schemes of development, a new philosophy of government. 1203 01:29:58,139 --> 01:30:02,576 Profound change in the social fabric and geopolitical climate of this country. 1204 01:30:03,499 --> 01:30:06,093 So what is actually happening? 1205 01:30:07,019 --> 01:30:10,329 - Nothing yet, obviously. - (BUZZER) 1206 01:30:10,499 --> 01:30:13,935 - That'll be Sir Humphrey. - Better send him in. 1207 01:30:14,099 --> 01:30:16,090 Send Sir Humphrey in. 1208 01:30:16,259 --> 01:30:20,252 The origin of this criticism is this rumour about a scandal in the City. 1209 01:30:20,419 --> 01:30:23,138 - How did you guess? - Prime Minister. 1210 01:30:23,299 --> 01:30:28,293 Humphrey, I've decided to respond to all this criticism about a scandal in the City. 1211 01:30:28,459 --> 01:30:30,768 The press is demanding action. 1212 01:30:30,939 --> 01:30:35,569 - What are you proposing to do? - I shall... appoint... someone. 1213 01:30:35,739 --> 01:30:39,334 - When did you take this decision? - Today when I read the papers. 1214 01:30:39,499 --> 01:30:42,650 - But when did you first think of it? - Today. 1215 01:30:42,819 --> 01:30:47,335 And for how long did you weigh the pros and cons of this decision? 1216 01:30:47,499 --> 01:30:49,888 Not long. I decided to be decisive. 1217 01:30:50,059 --> 01:30:53,256 I think you worry too much about what the papers say. 1218 01:30:53,419 --> 01:30:56,138 Only a civil servant could make that remark. 1219 01:30:56,299 --> 01:31:00,008 I have to worry about them, with the party conference coming up. 1220 01:31:00,179 --> 01:31:05,173 - These rumours of a scandal won't go away. - Let's not worry until it's more than a rumour. 1221 01:31:05,339 --> 01:31:08,888 - Here's the Cabinet agenda. - Not now. This is more important. 1222 01:31:09,059 --> 01:31:15,373 With respect, it is not. Remember, the press just pander to their readers' prejudices. 1223 01:31:15,539 --> 01:31:18,736 Don't tell me about the press. I know who reads the papers. 1224 01:31:18,899 --> 01:31:22,096 The "Mirror" is read by people who think they run the country. 1225 01:31:22,259 --> 01:31:25,968 The "Guardian" is read by people who think they OUGHT to run it. 1226 01:31:26,139 --> 01:31:29,529 The "Times" is read by the people who DO run the country. 1227 01:31:29,699 --> 01:31:33,374 The "Daily Mail" is read by the wives of the people who run it. 1228 01:31:33,539 --> 01:31:37,532 The "Financial Times" is read by people who OWN the country. 1229 01:31:37,699 --> 01:31:42,932 The "Morning Star" is read by people who think the country should be run by another country 1230 01:31:43,099 --> 01:31:46,887 and the "Daily Telegraph" is read by people who think it is. 1231 01:31:49,859 --> 01:31:52,657 What about the people who read "The Sun"? 1232 01:31:52,819 --> 01:31:57,574 "Sun" readers don't care who runs the country as long as she's got big tits. 1233 01:32:07,059 --> 01:32:10,529 What do you make of this Phillips Berenson business, Desmond? 1234 01:32:10,699 --> 01:32:13,691 - Not too good. - Worse than the press are saying? 1235 01:32:13,859 --> 01:32:17,818 More than another investment bank that made the wrong investments? 1236 01:32:17,979 --> 01:32:20,447 'Fraid so. Tip of the iceberg. 1237 01:32:20,619 --> 01:32:23,338 - Tell me more. - They've broken the rules. 1238 01:32:23,499 --> 01:32:25,490 The insider trading regulations? 1239 01:32:25,659 --> 01:32:28,048 - No. - That's one relief. 1240 01:32:28,219 --> 01:32:32,531 Of course they've broken those, but they've broken the basic rule of the City. 1241 01:32:32,699 --> 01:32:36,897 - I didn't know there were any. - Just the one. 1242 01:32:37,059 --> 01:32:42,053 If you're incompetent, you have to be honest. If you're crooked, you have to be clever. 1243 01:32:42,219 --> 01:32:46,417 If you're honest and make a pig's breakfast of things, chaps help you out. 1244 01:32:46,579 --> 01:32:50,572 - If you're crooked? - With good profits, chaps don't ask questions. 1245 01:32:50,739 --> 01:32:53,458 They're not stupid. Well, not that stupid. 1246 01:32:53,619 --> 01:32:56,372 The ideal is a firm which is honest and clever? 1247 01:32:56,539 --> 01:33:00,657 Yes. Let me know if you ever come across one, won't you? 1248 01:33:00,819 --> 01:33:03,811 - And Phillips Berenson? - Well, they were... 1249 01:33:03,979 --> 01:33:07,176 - Breaking the law. - I wouldn't put it like that. 1250 01:33:07,339 --> 01:33:11,332 Were the directors siphoning off funds into their own companies? 1251 01:33:11,499 --> 01:33:13,888 - Might've paid it back later. - But didn't. 1252 01:33:14,059 --> 01:33:17,131 - Well, they haven't yet. - Tax fiddles. 1253 01:33:18,219 --> 01:33:21,609 They placed their own interpretation on Treasury regulations. 1254 01:33:21,779 --> 01:33:26,295 - Someone has to interpret them. - What about the Treasury's interpretation? 1255 01:33:27,339 --> 01:33:29,330 It didn't seem appropriate. 1256 01:33:30,459 --> 01:33:33,656 - Capital transfers to Liechtenstein companies? - Bit of that. 1257 01:33:33,819 --> 01:33:37,971 - Bribery? - Undisclosed commissions to foreign officials. 1258 01:33:38,139 --> 01:33:40,209 - Bribery. - Yes. 1259 01:33:41,899 --> 01:33:43,890 - Your brandies. - Thank you. 1260 01:33:44,059 --> 01:33:46,448 - May I have the bill? - Certainly, sir. 1261 01:33:47,739 --> 01:33:51,527 So when's all this going to come out? - That's just it, it mustn't. 1262 01:33:51,699 --> 01:33:55,408 - How do you stop it? - That's what I meant about breaking the rules. 1263 01:33:55,579 --> 01:33:58,571 If they were profitable, it wouldn't need to come out. 1264 01:33:58,739 --> 01:34:03,130 - Now they're going bust, I'm worried. - Are you involved? 1265 01:34:04,419 --> 01:34:07,377 Surely a huge bank like yours isn't affected? 1266 01:34:07,539 --> 01:34:12,454 I wish you were right, but we've supported them in a big way. We're in for 400 million. 1267 01:34:12,619 --> 01:34:16,612 It's all very well for you, but when you've got all that Arab mon... 1268 01:34:16,779 --> 01:34:19,771 When you've got all that Arab money at 11%, 1269 01:34:19,939 --> 01:34:23,932 you'd look pretty silly if you didn't lend it to somebody for 14. 1270 01:34:26,179 --> 01:34:29,615 - You couldn't trust many people to pay 14. - Obviously. 1271 01:34:29,779 --> 01:34:32,247 Then we put in more to keep them afloat. 1272 01:34:32,419 --> 01:34:34,808 - If you knew they were crooks... - We didn't. 1273 01:34:34,979 --> 01:34:39,370 - You could've made inquiries. - You don't make such inquiries in the City. 1274 01:34:39,539 --> 01:34:41,734 They seemed like decent chaps. 1275 01:34:42,739 --> 01:34:47,449 Decent chaps don't check up on decent chaps to see if they're behaving like decent chaps. 1276 01:34:47,619 --> 01:34:50,895 And ignorance is worth paying £400 million for? 1277 01:34:51,059 --> 01:34:56,656 Ignorance is safety. It's not a crime to be deceived. And it's not our own money. 1278 01:34:56,819 --> 01:34:58,571 - Your bill, sir. - Thank you. 1279 01:34:58,739 --> 01:35:00,855 So what's going to happen? 1280 01:35:01,019 --> 01:35:05,012 Only one answer. The Bank of England must bail out Phillips Berenson. 1281 01:35:05,179 --> 01:35:09,616 - No publicity. That way we get our money back. - At the taxpayers' expense. 1282 01:35:09,779 --> 01:35:11,770 - Of course. - Can it be done? 1283 01:35:11,939 --> 01:35:16,171 - Depends on the new Bank of England Governor. - Hasn't been appointed yet. 1284 01:35:16,339 --> 01:35:19,297 That's what I wanted to talk about. Who will it be? 1285 01:35:19,459 --> 01:35:24,772 It isn't decided, but I understand from the PM that the frontrunner is Alexander Jameson. 1286 01:35:25,619 --> 01:35:28,213 You're joking? But that's impossible. 1287 01:35:29,179 --> 01:35:33,570 - You mean he's too honest. - It's not just that he behaves honestly. 1288 01:35:35,139 --> 01:35:39,132 That doesn't matter. Some of my best friends behave honestly. 1289 01:35:40,179 --> 01:35:43,171 None are smart enough to get away with it. 1290 01:35:43,339 --> 01:35:48,333 Jameson actually tries to stop dishonesty. Fatal. The world doesn't work like that. 1291 01:35:48,499 --> 01:35:53,493 Yes, he did that appalling report on waste and inefficiency in the Civil Service. 1292 01:35:54,579 --> 01:35:58,970 - You've got to block him. - It's difficult. It's a Treasury recommendation. 1293 01:35:59,139 --> 01:36:01,448 - But the PM makes the appointment. - Yes. 1294 01:36:01,619 --> 01:36:04,338 It's not just Phillips Berenson. 1295 01:36:04,499 --> 01:36:08,492 Once Jameson starts his detective work, other things will come out. 1296 01:36:08,659 --> 01:36:12,095 Collapse of confidence, the pound will go through the floor. 1297 01:36:12,259 --> 01:36:15,456 - Yes, I see. - You must make the PM see it. 1298 01:36:15,619 --> 01:36:21,012 Confidence mustn't be eroded. The City earns the country six billion pounds a year. 1299 01:36:21,179 --> 01:36:27,334 You can't hazard that just because a few chaps do a few favours for friends. Wouldn't be right. 1300 01:36:31,579 --> 01:36:33,297 Well... 1301 01:36:35,619 --> 01:36:41,057 Oh, Dorothy, I'm not happy about my speech for the conference. It contains no good news. 1302 01:36:41,219 --> 01:36:45,849 - We couldn't think of any. - We'll have to make the bad news look good. 1303 01:36:46,019 --> 01:36:48,408 I'll talk about the Health Service. 1304 01:36:48,579 --> 01:36:52,936 Care for the elderly, mothers and children, growing up into a healthy nation. 1305 01:36:53,099 --> 01:36:55,294 Value for money? 1306 01:36:55,459 --> 01:37:00,249 I can't say that. Everybody knows that costs are completely out of control. 1307 01:37:00,419 --> 01:37:02,410 Right. 1308 01:37:02,579 --> 01:37:09,018 We are spending more than ever to make our health service the best in the world. 1309 01:37:09,179 --> 01:37:12,489 Good. Now, defence. 1310 01:37:12,659 --> 01:37:17,653 I'd hoped to say something about defence cuts, but I haven't persuaded them to make any yet. 1311 01:37:17,819 --> 01:37:21,812 This government will not put the security of the nation in jeopardy 1312 01:37:21,979 --> 01:37:24,971 by penny-pinching and... false economies? 1313 01:37:25,139 --> 01:37:29,451 Not that we'd put security in jeopardy by having ONE service music school 1314 01:37:29,619 --> 01:37:33,214 instead of three separate ones for the Army, Navy and RAF. 1315 01:37:33,379 --> 01:37:38,373 There can hardly be a specifically Royal Naval method of playing bassoon. 1316 01:37:38,539 --> 01:37:41,178 You won't put that in? No, sorry. 1317 01:37:42,099 --> 01:37:47,127 - Anything good we can say about the economy? - That's a problem. No good news at all. 1318 01:37:47,299 --> 01:37:52,248 - We'll find something. - No bad news will break during the conference? 1319 01:37:52,419 --> 01:37:57,493 Don't ask me! I'm only the political adviser. YOU see the secret Treasury papers. 1320 01:37:57,659 --> 01:38:02,449 I was thinking about this Phillips Berenson scandal. What do you make of it? 1321 01:38:02,619 --> 01:38:04,814 - I'm suspicious. - Why? 1322 01:38:04,979 --> 01:38:09,848 Because of the statements of the chairman of the Stock Exchange and chairman of Lloyds. 1323 01:38:10,019 --> 01:38:13,170 - There were no statements. - That's why I'm suspicious. 1324 01:38:13,339 --> 01:38:17,537 If there was nothing in these rumours, they'd fall over themselves to say so. 1325 01:38:17,699 --> 01:38:23,695 So unfair. Scandals in the City always look bad for the government. It's nothing to do with me. 1326 01:38:23,859 --> 01:38:27,932 I know! I could announce the new Governor of the Bank of England. 1327 01:38:28,099 --> 01:38:33,492 Bernard, see if you can see Humphrey around. Tell him I'd like to see him. Where were we? 1328 01:38:33,659 --> 01:38:36,651 - The economy. Unemployment coming down? - No. 1329 01:38:36,819 --> 01:38:40,607 We shall make the attack on unemployment our top priority. Pay? 1330 01:38:40,779 --> 01:38:45,614 - Rising too fast. - We cannot pay ourselves more than we earn. 1331 01:38:45,779 --> 01:38:49,818 The world does not owe us a living. Interest rates? 1332 01:38:49,979 --> 01:38:52,447 - Too high. - They might come down? 1333 01:38:52,619 --> 01:38:55,577 - That'd be terrific. - I don't have that kind of luck. 1334 01:38:55,739 --> 01:39:01,211 If the whole picture's a total disaster, we can always wave the Union Jack. 1335 01:39:01,379 --> 01:39:05,452 - The nation's great destiny... - Unique role on the world stage. 1336 01:39:05,619 --> 01:39:10,568 Make every effort to build a prosperous world for our children and our children's children. 1337 01:39:10,739 --> 01:39:14,129 That's probably about how long it'll take. 1338 01:39:16,579 --> 01:39:19,571 The PM wonders if you could join him in five minutes. 1339 01:39:19,739 --> 01:39:22,128 Certainly, Bernard. Bernard... 1340 01:39:22,299 --> 01:39:26,087 Any news about the governorship of the Bank of England? 1341 01:39:26,259 --> 01:39:31,049 The Prime Minister is planning to appoint Alexander Jameson. Mr Clean. 1342 01:39:31,219 --> 01:39:34,097 - That's one bit of good news. - Appalling news! 1343 01:39:35,659 --> 01:39:38,731 - Will you try and change the PM's mind? - No. 1344 01:39:38,899 --> 01:39:41,254 I WILL change the PM's mind. 1345 01:39:41,419 --> 01:39:45,412 - He seems very keen on him. - That'll be my starting point. 1346 01:39:45,579 --> 01:39:49,652 When you wish to suggest that somebody is not the ideal choice... 1347 01:39:49,819 --> 01:39:54,370 - You rubbish them? - The first stage is to express absolute support. 1348 01:39:54,539 --> 01:39:57,736 - Why? - You don't want to say somebody's no good. 1349 01:39:57,899 --> 01:40:00,094 You must be seen to be their friend. 1350 01:40:00,259 --> 01:40:05,936 After all, it is necessary to get behind someone before you can stab them in the back. 1351 01:40:06,939 --> 01:40:10,727 But Alexander Jameson is good. He's honest and efficient. 1352 01:40:10,899 --> 01:40:13,367 Excellent. That's the second stage. 1353 01:40:13,539 --> 01:40:17,930 You list his praiseworthy qualities, especially those that make him unsuitable. 1354 01:40:18,099 --> 01:40:22,297 You praise them to the point where they become a vice. The third stage. 1355 01:40:22,459 --> 01:40:27,931 Or, better still, you over-simplify his views by labelling them, as you just did. 1356 01:40:28,099 --> 01:40:31,296 - You mean Mr Clean? - Yes. 1357 01:40:31,459 --> 01:40:3