YM 2.1 - The Compassionate Society
First airtime BBC: 23 February 1981
Length: 30 minutes
| Cast | Crew | |||
| Jim Hacker MP | Paul Eddington | Studio lighting | Derek Slee | |
| Sir Humphrey Appleby | Nigel Hawthorne | Costume designer | Jackie Southern | |
| Bernard Woolley | Derek Fowlds | Make-up artist | Cheryl Wright | |
| BBC News reader | Robert Dougall | Cameraman | Reg Pope | |
| George (Jim's driver) | Arthur Cox | Film Editor | Alastair Mackay | |
| Sir Ian Whitchurch | John Barron | Video tape editor | Graham Sisson | |
| Brian Baker | Norman Bird (?) | Vision mixer | Joan Duncan | |
| Mrs. Rogers | Rosemary Frankau (?) | Film Sound | Ron Blight | |
| Billy Fraser | Stephen Tate | Studio sound | Alan Machin | |
| BBC reporter | Lindy Alexander (?) | Music | Ronnie Hazlehurst | |
| Title sequence | Gerald Scarfe | |||
| Production manager | Brian Jones | |||
| Design | Tony Burrough | |||
| Producer | Peter Whitmore | |||
| Writers | Antony Jay & Jonathan Lynn | |||
Plot: Jim Hacker has had a terrible day in
Parliament: he is accused of giving misleading figures regarding
the reduction in the number of administrators to the House. To
save himself he had to agree to a full independent inquiry.
On his way to the Ministry he learns from his chauffeur that
there is a new St. Edward's hospital in Northern London that is
staffed with 500 administrators and ancillary workers, but has no
doctors, nurses or patients. Jim Hacker is aghast and decides to
ask Bernard to look into this.
At the Ministry Sir Humphrey is outraged that Jim Hacker agreed
to a full independent inquiry. They both agree that this inquiry
is not in their best interest and the inquiry should exonerate
the department. Appointing Sir Maurice Williams as chairman of
the inquiry should achieve this, since he is looking for a
peerage. Bernard reports to the Minister that there are indeed no
patients in St. Edward's hospital and that it has a staff of over
500 administrators and ancillary workers.
Sir Humphrey learns from the Permanent Secretary of the DHSS that
it will take at least another 18 months before patients are
admitted at St. Edward's. He makes sure that a militant union
member called Billy Fraser is transferred to St. Edward's.
Sir Humphrey has an informal talk with the Union Secretary for
the ancillary workers about the situation at St. Edward's. Sir
Humphrey encourages the Union to take industrial action in case
of layoffs because he wants to protect the jobs of the
administrative civil servants at St. Edward's.
In a meeting with Jim Hacker, Sir Humphrey tries to convince the
Minister not to layoff any workers at St. Edward's. Jim Hacker
however wants to sack half of the personnel and use the money to
get some doctors and nurses to start treating patients.
Jim Hacker visits St. Edward's hospital and he meets Billy
Fraser. When he tells him he wants to layoff 300 people, Billy
Fraser threatens to go on strike. Jim Hacker is not impressed by
this since it will not harm anyone. In the evening news however
he learns that all hospitals in the Greater London area are
planning to go on strike. Number Ten is not pleased by this
development and strongly advises Jim Hacker to solve it quickly.
Sir Humphrey brings more bad news: the inquiry headed up by Sir
Maurice Williams seems to be unfavorable to the DAA. It turns out
that Sir Maurice is also chairing the Joint Committee for the
Resettlement of Refugees and is more eager to find housing for
1,000 Cuban refugees. Then Jim Hacker puts two and two together:
he can offer Sir Maurice Williams a brand new fully staffed
hospital for the Cuban refugees. Sir Humphrey reluctantly agrees
with this solution.
Rating (0-10): 7½
Top 5 Quotes:
Jim Hacker: "The National Health
Service, Humphrey, is an advanced case of galloping
bureaucracy."
Sir Humphrey: "Ooooh, certainly not galloping. A gentle canter at the most."-
Sir Humphrey: "Minister, you said
you wanted the administration figures reduced, didn't
you?"
Jim Hacker: "Yes."
Sir Humphrey: "So we reduced the figures."
Jim Hacker: "But only the figures, not the number of administrators."
Sir Humphrey: "Well of course not."
Jim Hacker: "Well that is not what I meant."
Sir Humphrey: "Well really Minister, one is not a mind-reader, is one? You said reduce the figures, so we reduced the figures." -
[Discussing the opening up of St.
Edward's hospital]
Sir Ian Whitchurch: "First of all, you have to sort out the smooth running of the hospital. Having patients around would be no help at all."
Sir Humphrey: "They just be in the way." -
Jim Hacker: "Fortunately Bernard,
most of our journalists are so incompetent that they
have the gravest difficulty in finding out that today
is Wednesday."
Bernard Woolley: "It's actually Thursday, Minister." -
Jim Hacker: "You think it [St.
Edward's hospital] is functioning now?"
Mrs. Rogers: "Minister, it is one of the best run hospitals in the country. It is up for the Florence Nightingale Award."
Jim Hacker: "And what is to praise that?"
Mrs. Rogers: "It is won by the most hygienic hospital in the area."
YM 2.2 - Doing the Honours
First airtime BBC: 2 March 1981
Length: 30 minutes
| Cast | Crew | |||
| Jim Hacker MP | Paul Eddington | Studio lighting | Derek Slee | |
| Sir Humphrey Appleby | Nigel Hawthorne | Costume designer | Jackie Southern | |
| Bernard Woolley | Derek Fowlds | Make-up artist | Cheryl Wright | |
| Sir Arnold Robinson | John Nettleton | Video tape editor | Sam Upton | |
| George (Jim's driver) | Arthur Cox (uncredited) | Vision mixer | Joan Duncan | |
| Master Baillie College | Frank Middlemass | Studio sound | Alan Machin | |
| Bursar Bailie College | William Fox | Music | Ronnie Hazlehurst | |
| Peter (civil servant) | John Pennington | Title sequence | Gerald Scarfe | |
| Civil servant | Margo Johns (?) | Production manager | Brian Jones | |
| Civil servant | Anne Maxwell (?) | Design | Dacre Punt | |
| Producer | Peter Whitmore | |||
| Writers | Antony Jay & Jonathan Lynn | |||
Plot: Jim Hacker is meeting with his
department's expenditure committee. They cannot find any ways of
cutting expenditures, except for overseas students that will
start paying full tuition. After the meeting is over Bernard
Woolley reminds the Minister that he still needs to approve the
department's honours recommendations. Jim Hacker asks in despair
how he can make civil servants want economies as much as they
want honours. Then Bernard proposes only to award the honours to
those civil servants that have cut their budgets by 5%. Jim
Hacker thinks this is a brilliant plan.
In a meeting with Sir Humphrey Jim Hacker launches this plan as
his own, since Bernard absolutely does not want to take credit
for it. Sir Humphrey is appalled and tries every argument against
it...but unsuccessfully.
Furthermore, Sir Humphrey raises the issue of overseas students
paying full tuition. He talked to Baillie College Oxford and they
are expected to loose a lot of students. Again he tries all sorts
of arguments to treat Baillie College as an exception but Jim
Hacker is determined to keep this budget cut. He also finds out
that Sir Humphrey is a graduate from Baillie College, and thus
has a vested interest. Then Jim Hacker has to rush to the vote in
the House.
Sir Humphrey is summoned to the Secretary of the Cabinet, Sir
Arnold. Sir Arnold is not pleased about linking honours to
economies and the matter of the overseas students for Baillie
College (he also graduated from Baillie College). Diplomatically
he tells Sir Humphrey that he must solve these issues to save his
career in the Civil Service.
Sir Humphrey arranges a high table dinner for Jim Hacker at
Baillie College. At the dinner Jim Hacker gets very drunk. The
Master of Baillie College tells Jim Hacker about the College's
benefactors and how their names are remembered forever. Jim
Hacker is not impressed by this. 
Then Sir Humphrey raises the
issue of the honoree doctorates. The Master of Baillie College
tells him they are still undecided whether an honoree doctorate
of law should go to a judge or a politician. Jim Hacker, in a
very fuddled state, argues that politicians deserve the credit,
not judges.
The next morning Sir Humphrey asks the Minister whether he would
be interested in the honoree doctorate of law of Baillie College.
Jim Hacker is very honoured but Sir Humphrey tells him it is
still undecided.
Jim Hacker then tells Sir Humphrey that he would like to do
something about the overseas students issue at Baillie College.
But on the other hand he still needs to cut his budget. Sir
Humphrey tells him that the budget cuts could be achieved if the
plan for linking honours to economies is to be dropped.
In the following expenditures committee meeting it turns out that
everyone has found a 5% budget cut. Jim Hacker happily approves
the honours recommendations and Sir Humphrey indicates Jim Hacker
is to receive the honoree doctorate.
Rating (0-10): 8½
Top 5 Quotes:
-
(Talking about the abbreviations of
the honours CMG, KCMG and GCMG)
Bernard Woolley: "Of course in the service, CMG stands for Call Me God. And KCMG for Kindly Call Me God."
Jim Hacker: "What does GCMG stand for?"
Bernard Woolley: "God Calls Me God." -
Jim Hacker: "How do people know
they are on this [honours recommendation] list
anyway? This file is marked strictly
confidential."
Bernard Woolley: "Oh Minister..."
Jim Hacker: "Silly of me." -
Jim Hacker: "When did a civil
servant last refuse an honour?"
Bernard Woolley: "Well I think there was somebody in the Treasury that refused a Knighthood."
Jim Hacker: "Good God. When?"
Bernard Woolley: "I think it was 1496."
Jim Hacker: "Why?"
Bernard Woolley: "He had already got one." -
Bernard Woolley: "This M40 is a
very good road."
Jim Hacker: "So is the M4. I wonder why we got two really good roads to Oxford, before we got any to Southampton, Dover or Lowestoft or any of the ports?"
Bernard Woolley: "Nearly all our Permanent Secretaries went to Oxford, Minister. And most Oxford Colleges give very good dinners."
Jim Hacker: "And the Cabinet let them get away with it?"
Bernard Woolley: "Certainly not, they put their foot down. They said no motorway to take civil servants to dinners in Oxford, unless there was a motorway to take Cabinet Ministers hunting in the Shires. That's why when the M1 was built in the fifties it stopped in the middle of Leicestershire." -
Sir Humphrey: "There is no reason
to change a system [the honours system] which has
worked so well in the past."
Jim Hacker: "But it hasn't."
Sir Humphrey: "But...we got to give the present system a fair trial."
Jim Hacker: "Ah yes, I thought you might say that. It may interest you to know, Humphrey, that the Most Noble Order of the Garter was founded in 1348 by King Edward III. I think perhaps it may be coming towards the end of its trial period now, don't you?"
YM 2.3 - The Death List
First airtime BBC: 9 March 1981
Length: 30 minutes
| Cast | Crew | |||
| Jim Hacker MP | Paul Eddington | Studio lighting | Derek Slee | |
| Sir Humphrey Appleby | Nigel Hawthorne | Costume designer | Jackie Southern | |
| Bernard Woolley | Derek Fowlds | Make-up artist | Cheryl Wright | |
| Annie Hacker | Diana Hoddinott | Cameraman | Reg Pope | |
| Commander Forest | Graeme Garden | Film Editor | Alastair Mackay | |
| Walter Fowler | Ivor Roberts | Video tape editor | Graham Sisson | |
| Constable Ross | Michael Keating | Vision mixer | Joan Duncan | |
| Bodyguard | Colin McCormack | Film Sound | Ron Blight | |
| Bodyguard | Jay Neill | Studio sound | Alan Machin | |
| Music | Ronnie Hazlehurst | |||
| Title sequence | Gerald Scarfe | |||
| Production manager | Brian Jones | |||
| Design | Tony Burrough | |||
| Producer | Peter Whitmore | |||
| Writers | Antony Jay & Jonathan Lynn | |||
Plot: Private Eye - a political magazine - has
revealed that Jim Hacker had been under secret surveillance while
being in opposition. Furthermore, it has discovered that Jim's
department is responsible for all bugging equipment, and this
makes him the government's chief bugger. Jim Hacker is shocked by
these revelations.
Sir Humphrey explains to him that he was put under surveillance
because there were rumours before the elections that Jim Hacker
might become State Secretary of Defense. Jim Hacker decides that
if he is to be responsible for all bugging equipment, he is going
to build in some real democratic safeguards. While in opposition
he already set up a nationwide petition against electronic
surveillance.
Later that night, Jim meets with Walter Fowler of the Express to
leak his intentions on safeguards for electronic surveillance.
The next day Sir Humphrey learns that Jim Hacker's name is on a
death list of the International Freedom Army. When he brings this
news to the Minister, Jim Hacker starts to panic. The Special
Branch briefs Jim Hacker on the routine safety precautions and
the bodyguards that are assigned to protect him. Electronic
surveillance will also be used to track down the International
Freedom Army.
Now Jim Hacker has a change of heart regarding electronic
surveillance, and argues that it is the government's main weapon
against organized crime. He is therefore not pleased with his own
petition on electronic surveillance that Bernard Woolley brings
in. The petition is a great success; it has received over 2¼
million signatures.
When Jim and Annie Hacker go away for the weekend, they are
constantly surrounded by bodyguards and find it difficult to
enjoy themselves.
After the weekend, Jim Hacker has a meeting with Walter Fowler
again. Fowler wants to get a response on the success of the
petition on electronic surveillance. Jim Hacker does not want to
embrace the petition.
Then Sir Humphrey has a quick word with the Minister and tells
him that his protection has been canceled. Electronic
surveillance has shown that Jim Hacker is no longer on the
Freedom Army's death list because they think he is not important
enough worth assassinating. Jim Hacker does not know whether to
be happy with this or insulted. Anyway, now he shows Walter
Fowler the petition and states that he is very pleased with it's
success.
Rating (0-10): 9
Top 5 Quotes:
-
Walter Fowler: "How would you
like to be an informed source?"
Jim Hacker: "Okay....informed source."
Walter Fowler: "It's quite a joke really, isn't it? Describing someone as informed when his Permanent Secretary is Sir Humphrey Appleby." -
[Talking about the very successful
petition on electronic surveillance]
Bernard Woolley: "Shall I file it?"
Jim Hacker: "File it? Shred it!"
Bernard Woolley: "Shred it??"
Jim Hacker: "Nobody must ever be able to find it again."
Bernard Woolley: "In that case, Minister, I think it is best I file it." -
Sir Humphrey: "The Special Branch
has reason to believe that the threat to your life
has been diminished."
Jim Hacker: "How do they know?"
Sir Humphrey: "Surveillance. They overheard a conversation."
Jim Hacker: "What did it say?"
Sir Humphrey: "Oh, I don't think it is of any..."
Jim Hacker: "Come on Humphrey, I have a right to know!"
Sir Humphrey: "Well it was a conversation to the effect that, in view of the somewhat nebulous and inexplicit nature of your remit, and the arguably marginal and peripheral nature of your influence on the central deliberations and decisions within the political process, there could be a case for restructuring their action priorities in such a way as to eliminate your liquidation from their immediate agenda."
Jim Hacker: "They said that??"
Sir Humphrey: "That was the gist of it." -
Sir Humphrey: "Surveillance is an
indispensable weapon in the battle against organized crime."
Jim Hacker: "You're not describing politicians as organized crime?"
Sir Humphrey: "No...well, disorganized crime too of course." -
Bernard Woolley: "The Minister?
On a death list? Who are the International Freedom
Army?"
Sir Humphrey: "We do not as yet know."
Bernard Woolley: "Whoever they are, why on earth should they want to assassinate the Minister? He is so harmless."
