YM 3.1 - Equal Opportunities
First airtime BBC: 11 November 1982
Length: 30 minutes
| Cast | Crew | |||
| Jim Hacker MP | Paul Eddington | Assistant floor manager | Lydia Frankenburg | |
| Sir Humphrey Appleby | Nigel Hawthorne | Studio lighting | John Dixon | |
| Bernard Woolley | Derek Fowlds | Costume designer | Judy Allen | |
| Sir Arnold Robinson | John Nettleton | Make-up artist | Toni Chapman | |
| Annie Hacker | Diana Hoddinott | Video tape editor | Dave Rixon | |
| Sarah Harrison | Eleanor Bron | Vision mixer | Bill Morton | |
| Schoolpaper girl | Talla Hayes | Studio sound | Malcolm Johnson | |
| Permanent Secretary Home Office | Richard Simpson | Music | Ronnie Hazlehurst | |
| Permanent Secretary FCO | Peter Howell | Title sequence | Gerald Scarfe | |
| Permanent Secretary MOD | Jeffrey Segal | Production assistant | Lesley Langan | |
| Permanent Secretary DHSS | Donald Pelmear | Production manager | Brian Jones | |
| Designer | Gary Pritchard | |||
| Producer | Peter Whitmore | |||
| Writers | Antony Jay & Jonathan Lynn | |||
Plot: Jim Hacker is being interviewed by a
school girl who asks what he has actually achieved. He realises
that he actually has not achieved anything important since he
became Minister.
His wife Annie suggests to concentrate on achieving at least one
thing while he is Minister. She suggests he should do something
about the low number of women in the higher ranks of the Civil
Service. Jim Hacker decides to go for this because there is a
principle at stake; and principles are excellent vote winners.
The next day at the office he asks Sarah Harrison, an attractive
Undersecretary, about the number of women in the Civil Service.
He learns that very few women have made it to the top of the
Civil Service.
He shares this information with Sir Humphrey and tells him he
wants to institute a 25% quota of women, to be achieved in four
years time, by attracting women from outside the Civil Service.
Sir Humphrey is of course appalled by this idea of getting people
from outside the Service for the top
jobs, let alone women. He
argues that this policy requires a larger intake of women at the
recruitment for junior positions, and after 25 years or so the
quota could be met.
Jim Hacker however wants to start right away by mobilizing his
Cabinet colleagues on this issue, and by promoting Sarah Harrison
to Deputy Secretary within the DAA. Sir Humphrey disagrees with
this appointment, since she is the most junior Undersecretary and
it is therefore not her turn. Their discussion ends in a
stalemate.
Sir Humphrey is a bit worried about his Minister's plan and
therefore has a chat with Sir Arnold. Sir Arnold suggest to tell
the Minister the unions won't agree to this. Furthermore he will
make sure all Permanent Secretaries will persuade their Ministers
not to go along with this ridiculous plan.
Back at the office Sir Humphrey tells Jim Hacker the unions will
not go along with this quota idea, but this argument is not
effective. Jim Hacker realises that Sir Humphrey just wants to
drop the whole scheme.
When Annie Hacker arrives at the office, Sir Humphrey has a
little chat with her about how
attractive Sarah Harrison is and
that Jim will spend much more time with her when she is promoted
to Deputy Secretary. This surely makes Annie think twice about
this women's quota idea.
At a meeting of all the Permanent Secretaries the quota is
discussed. As it turns out everyone fully agrees in principle,
but does not see how it could be instigated within their own
departments. And this is the same what happens at the Cabinet
meeting of all the Ministers; every Minister applauds the
principle but then says it would not work in their department.
Jim Hacker is very disappointed by this outcome and he decides to
at least appoint Sarah Harrison to Deputy Secretary, even though
his wife seems to be against it now. When he tells Sarah about
this wonderful promotion, she tells him she was just about to
resign from the Civil Service. She explains Jim Hacker that she
wants a job that will appreciate her as a person and where she
personally can achieve things, and therefore has accepted a job
at a merchant bank. She is absolutely not charmed by the fact
that she would be part of a 25% quota and does not appreciate
being patronized. Jim Hacker is very disappointed and all he can say is:
"Women!".
Rating (0-10): 7
Top 5 Quotes:
-
[Talking about the reasons for leaving
the Civil Service]
Sarah Harrison: "Well quite honestly, Minister, I want a job where I don't spend endless hours circulating information that isn't relevant, about subjects that don't matter to people who aren't interested. I want a job where there is achievement, rather than merely activity. I am tired of pushing paper. I want to be able to point to something and say: I did that."
Sir Humphrey: "I don't understand..."
Sarah Harrison: "I know. That's why I'm leaving."
Jim Hacker: "Surely you're not saying that the government of Britain is unimportant?"
Sarah Harrison: "No, it's very important. It's just that I haven't met anyone who is doing it." -
Jim Hacker: "I have made a policy
decision. I am going to do something about the number
of women in the Civil Service."
Sir Humphrey: "Surely there aren't all that many?" -
Sir Humphrey: "Well, if I might
suggest that we be realistic about this."
Jim Hacker: "By realistic you mean drop the whole scheme?"
Sir Humphrey: "Dear me, no. But perhaps a pause to regroup, a lull in which to reassess the situation and discuss alternative strategies, a space of time for mature reflection and deliberation."
Jim Hacker: "Yes, you mean drop the whole scheme." -
Sir Humphrey: "We must, in my
view, always have the right to promote the best man
for the job, regardless of sex."
-
Jim Hacker: "That is the last
interview I give for a school magazine; she asked
some very difficult questions."
Annie Hacker: "Not difficult, just innocent. She was assuming there was some moral basis to your activities."
Jim Hacker: "Well, there is."
Annie Hacker: "Oh Jim, don't be silly."
YM 3.2 - The Challenge
First airtime BBC: 18 November 1982
Length: 30 minutes
| Cast | Crew | |||
| Jim Hacker MP | Paul Eddington | Properties buyer | Bob Sutton | |
| Sir Humphrey Appleby | Nigel Hawthorne | Assistant floor manager | Lydia Frankenburg | |
| Bernard Woolley | Derek Fowlds | Studio lighting | John Dixon | |
| Sir Arnold Robinson | John Nettleton | Costume designer | Judy Allen | |
| Dr. Cartwright | Ian Lavender | Make-up artist | Toni Chapman | |
| Ben Stanley | Doug Fisher | Senior Cameraman | Peter Ware | |
| BBC CEO | Moray Watson | Video tape editor | Chris Wadsworth | |
| Permanent Secretary at lunch | Stuart Sherwin (?) | Vision mixer | Bill Morton | |
| Floor manager TV interview | Frank Tregear (?) | Studio sound | Malcolm Johnson | |
| Ludovic Kennedy | Ludovic Kennedy | Music | Ronnie Hazlehurst | |
| Title sequence | Gerald Scarfe | |||
| Production assistant | Lesley Langan | |||
| Production manager | Brian Jones | |||
| Designer | Andrée Welstead Hornby | |||
| Producer | Peter Whitmore | |||
| Writers | Antony Jay & Jonathan Lynn | |||
Plot: Jim Hacker has received new
responsibilities after the Cabinet reshuffle. He now is also
responsible for local government. Straight after the appointment
at Number Ten he has a radio interview with Ludovic Kennedy.
Ludovic asks Hacker how he will get a grip on local government
since his predecessor did not succeed in this, but Hacker remains
vague and just repeats that he sees this new job as an enormous
challenge.
Sir Arnold has heard the radio interview of Jim Hacker and is
worried that this means that Hacker actually wants to do
something about reforming local government. At lunch with Sir
Humphrey he expresses his concern and orders Humphrey to make
sure nothing is done. This is important because every local
government reform always leads to a reform in Whitehall as well.
He advises Humphrey to let Hacker crack his teeth at Civil
Defence (fall-out shelters), because this is not a serious issue.
At the department Jim Hacker has a meeting with the Director of
Local Administration Statistics Dr. Cartwright, who is now part
of the DAA. He presents the Minister with a plan to introduce
pre-set failure standards on all local government plans that cost
more than 10,000 pounds. Jim Hacker is excited; this will make
sure he gets a grip on local government. Sir Humphrey however is
not pleased and he recommends the Minister first looks at a real
vote-winning issue: Civil Defence. He points out that the London
borough of Thames Marsh has spent the least of all boroughs on
Civil Defence, and that a Ministerial visit may be a good idea.
Jim Hacker visits Thames Marsh and has quite a bit of publicity
success. He points out that the borough has only one fall-out
shelter with a place in it reserved for the leader of the
council, Mr. Ben Stanley. Sir Arnold is very pleased that Jim
Hacker is looking at a non-issue like Civil Defence, but Sir
Humphrey tells him that Hacker still wants to introduce the
pre-set failure standards plan of Dr. Cartwright. When Sir
Humphrey tells him that Hacker has a TV interview on Civil
Defence the next day, Sir Arnold gets an idea how to block the
plan.
At the TV interview Jim Hacker talks enthusiastically about his
victory at Thames Marsh and states that there are more important
people like doctors and nurses that need to have places reserved
in fall-out shelters. Then Jim Hacker gets in a bit of trouble
when Ludovic Kennedy asks if this means that the Prime Minister
and the Home Secretary should give up their reserved places. He
gets out of it by telling the story of a borough that spent their
entire Civil Defence budget for the next three years on a trip
looking at fall-out shelters in California.
The next day Jim Hacker tells Sir Humphrey about what happened at
the TV interview. Sir Humphrey is "shocked" and informs
Hacker that the borough that spent their entire budget on a
California trip is in the PM's constituency. The PM's Office
was trying to keep the story secret. Jim Hacker orders Sir
Humphrey to help him to prevent the interview from being
broadcasted. Sir Humphrey however says that he is working very
hard on the pre-set failure standards plan, but he can help if
this plan is not so urgent.
Jim Hacker and Sir Humphrey have lunch with the BBC Director of
Policy. The BBC however does not give in to government pressure.
Then Sir Humphrey produces a large number of files regarding
unfavourable BBC reporting, jokes against the PM, and Minister's
programme suggestions not accepted. Sir Humphrey informs the BBC
Director that there is a lot of government criticism on the BBC,
and questions are asked whether televised Parliament should be
entrusted to ITV, and whether a Select Committee should scrutinize
BBC expenditures. The BBC Director gets very nervous. Then Sir
Humphrey tells him that the TV interview contained factual
errors, out of date material and some security issues. The BBC
Director now agrees that broadcasting is not in the public
interest but he must point out that the BBC does not give in to
government pressure.
At the department Sir Humphrey brings Jim Hacker the happy news
that the BBC decided not to broadcast his TV interview. Jim
Hacker tells Sir Humphrey to hold of the pre-set failure
standards plan for now. Sir Humphrey fully agrees.
Rating (0-10): 8
Top 5 Quotes:
-
Jim Hacker: "But the broad strategy [in
reforming local government] is to cut ruthlessly at
waste while leaving essential services intact."
Ludovic Kennedy: "Well, that is what your predecessor said. Are you saying that he failed?"
Jim Hacker: "Please, let me finish, because we must be absolutely clear about this, and I would be quite frank with you, the plain fact of the matter is that at the end of the day it is the right, no the duty, of the elected government in the House of Commons to ensure that government policies, the policies on which we were elected and for which we have a mandate, the policies after all for which the people voted, are the policies which finally when the national cake has been divided up, and may I remind you we as a nation don't have unlimited wealth, so we can't pay ourselves more than we've earned, are the policies..... I'm sorry what was the question again?" -
Jim Hacker: "This government believes in
reducing bureaucracy."
Ludovic Kennedy: "Well, figures that I have here say that your department's staff has risen by 10%."
Jim Hacker: "Certainly not."
Ludovic Kennedy: "Well, what figure do you have?"
Jim Hacker: "I believe the figure is much more like 9.97."
[...]
Ludovic Kennedy: "How are you going to meet the challenge [in reforming local government]?"
Jim Hacker: "It is far to early to give detailed proposals, after all I have just come here direct from Number 10."
Ludovic Kennedy: "From Number 9.97, perhaps?" -
Sir Humphrey: "Well, we can always try to
persuade them [the BBC] to withdraw programs
voluntarily, once they realize that transmission is
not in the public interest."
Jim Hacker: "Well, it is not in my interest. And I represent the public, so it is not in the public interest."
Sir Humphrey: "That's a novel argument. We haven't tried that on them before." -
Jim Hacker: "Half of them [local councilors] are
self-centered busy-bodies on an ego-trip, and the
other half are in it for what they can get out of
it."
Sir Humphrey: "Perhaps they ought to be in the House of Commons....I mean, to see how proper legislative assembly behaves." -
Jim Hacker: "But you got me this job [local
government]."
Sir Humphrey: "Yes, but I didn't expect you to do anything, I mean, you have never done anything before."
YM 3.3 - The Skeleton in the Cupboard
First airtime BBC: 25 November 1982
Length: 30 minutes
| Cast | Crew | |||
| Jim Hacker MP | Paul Eddington | Assistant floor manager | Lydia Frankenburg | |
| Sir Humphrey Appleby | Nigel Hawthorne | Studio lighting | John Dixon | |
| Bernard Woolley | Derek Fowlds | Costume designer | Judy Allen | |
| Peter (civil servant) | John Pennington | Make-up artist | Toni Chapman | |
| Civil Servant woman | Rosemary Williams | Senior Cameraman | Peter Ware | |
| Dr. Cartwright | Ian Lavender | Video tape editor | Bob Sutton | |
| Alex Andrews | Donald Gee | Vision mixer | Bill Morton | |
| Studio sound | Malcolm Johnson | |||
| Music | Ronnie Hazlehurst | |||
| Title sequence | Gerald Scarfe | |||
| Production assistant | Lesley Langan | |||
| Production manager | Brian Jones | |||
| Designer | Gary Pritchard | |||
| Producer | Peter Whitmore | |||
| Writers | Antony Jay & Jonathan Lynn | |||
Plot: During a meeting with Jim Hacker, Sir
Humphrey, Bernard and other officials, the proposed disciplinary
action against South Derbyshire Council is discussed. Sir
Humphrey wants to take strong action because this Council does
not supply the DAA with all the information it requests. Jim
Hacker however is not pleased with disciplining South Derbyshire
because the Council is controlled by his Party and he sensed that
Dr. Cartwright tried to tell him something during the meeting
(but he was interrupted constantly by Sir Humphrey).
Jim Hacker decides to drop in on Dr. Cartwright, although Bernard
strongly advises not to. As soon as Jim is on his way to Dr.
Cartwright, Bernard informs Sir Humphrey that the Minister has
gone walkabout, as it is called. Sir Humphrey is furious about
this and also goes to Dr. Cartwright's office.
In Dr. Cartwright's office Jim learns that South Derbyshire is
the most efficient local authority in Britain, and just not very
interested in returning every blue form to Whitehall. Sir
Humphrey suddenly enters the office and he more or less commands
Jim Hacker back to his own office. There they have a heated
argument. Sir Humphrey demands that
the Minister cannot have
private conversations, because everything has to be always
minuted to make sure he knows what is going on. Jim Hacker now
announces that he does not want to discipline South Derbyshire.
Sir Humphrey however points out that the Minister has no choice,
it is the law.
Next Alex Andrews from the Daily Mail comes to see Jim. He tells
Jim about a story the Mail has uncovered that the government is
giving away forty million pounds of equipment to a private
developer. Due to an error by an official in the early 1950's, a
Scottish island with military installations is now handed back to
the original owner. Alex Andrews wants to make sure that the
files that will be released shortly will be complete, because the
Mail wants to find out who was responsible. That official could
now for instance be a Permanent Secretary, responsible for
spending billions of pounds of public money. Jim Hacker gives
Alex the assurance that the complete file will be available. Alex
Andrews points out that otherwise Jim Hacker will suffer severe
negative publicity.
The next day, Sir Humphrey sees the article in the Daily Mail on
the Scottish island scandal. His face all of sudden turns white.
When at the DAA Jim Hacker tells him about the investigation the
Mail is planning to find out who is responsible, Sir Humphrey is
in a complete state of panic. He tries to convince Jim Hacker
that releasing the files has security implications, but Jim
Hacker is not convinced; the Mail can inspect the files as soon
as they are publicly available.
Jim cannot help wondering why Sir Humphrey is so anxious.
Suddenly he begins to suspect who the responsible official for
the Scottish island scandal is. Bernard finds out that in the
1950's Sir Humphrey was Assistant Principal at the Scottish
Office, on secondment from the War Office as a Regional Contracts
Officer. Jim Hacker now wants to see Sir Humphrey right away.
Jim Hacker asks Sir Humphrey to find out who was the responsible
official. This information will surely be in the files, because
everything is always minuted in the Civil Service. Finally, Sir
Humphrey confesses that he was the official in question. Jim
Hacker plays that he is shocked, and that he wants to help if he
didn't have that other worry on his mind: being roasted by the
press for disciplining South Derbyshire. Sir Humphrey now
proposes to show leniency towards South Derbyshire Council. Jim
Hacker is very pleased but only wants to know how he can explain
the missing documents in the file. Then Sir Humphrey hands over a
statement to be included with the file. When Jim Hacker wants to
know how much they usually will be left to see after this
statement, it turns out to be zero documents.
Rating (0-10): 9½
Top 5 Quotes:
-
Jim Hacker: "Bernard, how did Sir Humphrey know
I was with Dr. Cartwright?"
Bernard Woolley: "God moves in a mysterious way."
Jim Hacker: "Let me make one thing perfectly clear: Humphrey is not God, okay."
Bernard Woolley: "Will you tell him or shall I?"
Jim Hacker: "Tell me how he knew where I was."
Bernard Woolley: "Well, confidentially Minister, everything you tell me is in complete confidence, so equally, and I am sure you appreciate this, and by appreciate I don't actually mean appreciate, I mean understand, that everything Sir Humphrey tells me is also in complete confidence, as indeed everything I tell you is in complete confidence, and for that matter everything I tell Sir Humphrey is in complete confidence."
Jim Hacker: "So?"
Bernard Woolley: "So in complete confidence, I am confident that you understand that for me to keep Sir Humphrey's confidence and your confidence, means that conversations between him and me must be completely confidential, as confidential in fact as conversations between you and me are completely confidential." -
Sir Humphrey: "Minister, I think there is
something you perhaps ought to know."
Jim Hacker: "Yes Humphrey?"
Sir Humphrey: "The identity of the Official whose alleged responsibility for this hypothetical oversight has been the subject of recent discussion, is NOT shrouded in quite such impenetrable obscurity as certain previous disclosures may have led you to assume, but not to put too fine a point on it, the individual in question is, it may surprise you to learn, one whom you present interlocutor is in the habit of defining by means of the perpendicular pronoun."
Jim Hacker: "I beg your pardon?"
Sir Humphrey: "It was...I." -
Sir Humphrey: "But if they don't send us the
information and the plans and the requests for
permission, well, what are we here for?"
Jim Hacker: "Good question. What are we here for?"
Sir Humphrey: "To collect the information, inspect the plans and withhold or grant permission."
Jim Hacker: "And if we didn't?"
Sir Humphrey: "I'm sorry, Minister. I don't understand."
Jim Hacker: "If we weren't here and we didn't do it, what then?"
Sir Humphrey: "I'm sorry, Minister. You've lost me."
Jim Hacker: "You know, your trouble is that you're more concerned with means than ends."
Sir Humphrey: "There are no ends in administration, Minister, except loose ends. Administration is eternal."
Bernard Woolley: "Forever and ever..."
Bernard & Sir Humphrey: "...amen." -
Jim Hacker: "Dr. Cartwright seemed to be trying
to tell me something. I think I'll drop in on
him."
Bernard Woolley: "Oh no no, I wouldn't so that, Minister."
Jim Hacker: "Why not?"
Bernard Woolley: "Well it is understood if Ministers want to know anything it will be brought to their notice. If they go out looking for information they might...oh well, they might..."
Jim Hacker: "..find it?" -
Sir Humphrey: "If local authorities don't send
us the statistics that we ask for, than government
figures will be a nonsense."
Jim Hacker: "Why?"
Sir Humphrey: "They will be incomplete."
Jim Hacker: "But government figures are a nonsense anyway."
Bernard Woolley: "I think Sir Humphrey want to ensure they are a complete nonsense."
